Understanding & Developing Emotional Intelligence & Name the Game

Transcription

1 Understanding & Developing Emotional Intelligence & Name the Game by Scott Warrick, JD, MLHR, CEQC, SPHR Human Resource Consulting, Employment Law & Training Services (614) : Office Phone (614) Cell Phone EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Can You Control Your EGO and EMOTIONS? Is It Good To Have Older Workers & Younger Workers Working Together? Why Do Really, Really Smart People Do Really, Really Stupid Things? 1

2 IT ALL BEGINS WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE = TOLERANCE I am in control of my EGO and EMOTIONS, so I can control my impulses and I can remain focused on my true GOAL. I can communicate as an HONEST RESPECTUL COMMUNICATOR, I am able to build real TRUST with the people around me and I am able to engage in EMPATHIC LISTENING. In the end, I am in control of my EGO and EMOTIONS instead of them controlling me. As a result, I can allow others to have their opinions without me feeling threatened. In the end, I am more tolerant of others and their opinions because I am comfortable with myself. So, a culture of tolerance for others ideas becomes the norm. Bullying drops way off throughout the organization. HONEST RESPECTFUL COMMUNICATION (EPR) Since I am an Emotionally Intelligent and Tolerant person, I can communicate with others without feeling threatened. So, communication opens up in the organization. DIVERSITY of IDEAS: CRITICAL DECISION MAKING Others can now bring their different opinions and viewpoints to the table. Since my organization has a cultural basis of Emotional Intelligence, we are more tolerant of others when they voice a contrary idea. In this type of environment, the diverse ideas we all have helps the organization because trust is established: It is safe to speak up and voice a contrary opinion in an Honest Respectful manner. We consider and value the perspectives of other people, rather than adopting a kill the messenger mentality. So, the organization enjoys a free flow of ideas. PRODUCTION/ QUALITY SALES EFFECTIVE PROGRAMS CUSTOMER SERVICE SAFETY TEAMBUILDING EMPLOYEE/ LABOR RELATIONS LEADERSHIP CHANGE MANAGEMENT WORKPLACE VIOLENCE PREVENTION 2

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4 TOM S SCORES 4

5 FIGHT or FLIGHT What happens in your body? 1. We hear, see, taste, smell or feel a danger or stimulus. The brain instantly sends an alarm down our Vagus Nerve which goes directly to our adrenal glands, located right above our kidneys. We then get that tightening knot in our gut. 3. The blood in the body is re-routed to the lungs, arms and legs, leaving the frontal lobes deprived of blood and the face flushed. 2. The adrenal glands release epinephrine (adrenaline) into our body. This release of adrenaline will then speed up our heart rate. When our heart rate hits approximately 145 beats per minute, we go into full fight or flight. 5

6 Different parts of our brain do different things, as shown in the following diagram: Frontal Lobes: Logical Center, & Emotional Thermostat Thalamus: The Brain s Neural Junction Box Amygdalae: Emotions FRONTAL LOBES: LOGIC 1/16,000ths of a Second Further from Brain Stem Loses Blood Supply in Fight or Flight AMYGDALAE: EMOTIONS 1/33,000ths of a Second Closer to the Brain Stem Retains Blood Supply in Fight or Flight 6

7 COMPUTER IMAGE OF THE SPEED OF EMOTIONS Computer Image #1 Computer Image #2 In Computer Image #1, the stimulus enters the brain and goes to the thalamus, where it then takes the Low Road directly into the amygdalae, or the emotional center of the brain. As you can see, the Low Road to the emotional system takes the stimulus only 1/33,000ths of a second which is lightening fast. However, in Computer Image #2, the stimulus enters the brain and takes the High Road, where it is finally delivered to the frontal lobes of the brain, or our Executive Center. As you can see, the stimulus taking the High Road to the logical brain takes at least twice as long to reach the frontal lobes as it does to reach the emotional center of the brain. This is a primary reason why our emotions are so much faster than our logic. Why Do I Forget Things When I Am Stressed? Damaged Goods OU HUNT FOR WIT Normal Healthy Brain Brain With Depression, OCD, & Panic Attacks = PTSD DO YOU HUNT FOR WITCHES 7

8 Why Emotional Intelligence? ORGANIZATIONAL STRATEGIC GOALS Dept. Goals Dept. Goals Dept. Goals Employees EXECUTE Employees EXECUTE Employees EXECUTE STRATEGIC GOAL: SCORE STRATEGIC PLAN: STRATEGIC PLAN S Are On PAPER PEOPLE EXECUTE While setting Strategic Goals are important for any organization, all Strategic Plans are executed by people. If an organization has a culture of intolerance for others, then people simply will not execute the organization s Strategic Plans and they most likely will not speak up when they see problems arising. This destroys any real level of critical decisions making. 8

9 I. COACHING/PROBLEM REALIZATION/SOLVING PROCESS It is also important to remember that even though a written reprimand/warning session takes on a more intense and serious tone than the verbal warning session, since the employee was either unable or unwilling to improve his behavior or performance, both verbal and written reprimand/warning sessions must be conducted in a manner that strives to solve the problem at hand. Therefore, managers should be aware of and use a proper Coaching/Problem Realization/Solving Process. In order for employees to solve their problems, they must be made aware of the problem(s) and resolve to correct them. In getting the employee to recognize and then solve the problem, the following procedure should be followed: 9

10 COACHING PROCESS Problem Recognition 1. Make the employee aware of the problem. CLEARLY STATE THE STANDARD AND EXPLAIN WHY THE STANDARD IS IMPORTANT. Remind the employee of the standard that is expected, as compared to the level at which the employee is currently performing. Explain the detrimental affect this problem may have, or has had, against the employee, the department and the company. 2. PARROT & REWARD : ASK THE EMPLOYEE S SIDE OF THE STORY! (You might be surprised.) (Asking employees their side DOES NOT MEAN ACCEPTING EXCUSES! Employees tend to play games at this stage, such as He made me do it, (Victim Game) or What about Ted? He s just as bad as me, (Diversion Game) or I don t see it that way, or You re unfair and mean. (Deflection Game) These are all games where the employee is trying to divert attention away from their actions and to deny ownership. 3. If it appears as if the employee is at fault, then make sure the employee: a) Understands that the problem exists. (Employees may agree that the standard is not being met but it is not their fault. That is OK at this stage. It is enough for the employee to simply acknowledge that a problem exists.) KEY: What if EVERYBODY did this? b) NOW inform the employee that THIS IS THEIR PROBLEM TO SOLVE NOT YOURS!!! This is their job so it is THEIR PROBLEM TO SOLVE. Their job is to meet the standard; Your job is to help them. In the end, this is THEIR JOB NOT YOURS. GET THE EMPLOYEE TO TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR THE RESULTS!!!!! (Employees often acknowledge the problem, but then blame others. This is just another game they are playing. It is vital that the employee takes responsibility for the problem.) Problem Resolution Discuss possible solutions to the problem. Adopt the most viable ones as goals. The employee must then devise a plan to alleviate the performance discrepancy and meet these goals. 5. Agree on the right course of action and the appropriate follow-up measures to be taken. GET THE EMPLOYEE TO TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR THE ACTION PLAN!!!!! Set a subsequent meeting or meetings to review the progress of the goal. 6. Monitor progress in some manner and follow up with the employee. 7. Recognize and/or reward achievement (Positive Feedback). Continue on in the reprimand/warning process if adequate improvement is not seen. 10

11 Of course, as part of this process, it is usually a good idea to discuss with the employee whether he/she is interested in meeting these standards and putting forth the effort to succeed. Is the employee happy at the company, or is there just a bad match? It is best to discover any mismatches now rather than put forth all of this effort only to fail. Is the employee a better match with another vacant job? (Employees should not be transferred to other positions if the problem is attitude.) Does the employee dislike the company? If so, then perhaps an exit strategy from the company is the best solution in order to avoid inevitable termination. II. GAMES Too many people in this world fail to take accountability for their actions. This lack of accountability has grown into a national and worldwide epidemic. This issue lies at the core of all the problems managers have with their employees in the workplace. Dr. Phil has fostered a very successful daytime self-help television show based upon this spreading disease. Actually, having managers watch Dr. Phil every so often is great free training. It is absolutely amazing to see Dr. Phil s guests play all kinds of games with him in order to avoid taking accountability for their actions. Do employees play these games? EVERYDAY!!! Most of these games take the following forms: 1. Deflection Deflection occurs when the individual tries to blame YOU for their problems. Managers hear this game being played when they hear such phrases as: It s NOT my fault! You yelled at me and made me mad. You are harassing me! You are creating a HOSTILE WORK ENVIRONMENT!! You re not FAIR! You don t listen to us! This place stinks and management is filled with idiots! The strategy here is clear. If I can put you on the defensive, then you will stop bothering me and lower the standard which lets me off the hook. 11

12 2. Diversion (or Look over here ) Diversion occurs when employees blame others for their problems. Managers hear this game being played when they hear such phrases as: What about everyone else? Fred is doing this too! It s NOT my fault! They did this to me He made me mad. The strategy here is clear. If I can get you to look over here and blame others, then you will stop looking at me! You will then lower the standard and I get off the hook. 3. Stonewalling Stonewalling occurs when the individual simply denies your point of view. The person just simply disagrees, and says such things as: The company is WRONG! It should NOT be done that way. That s not MY job. I don t have to do that. I don t see it that way! You re just wrong! The strategy here is clear. If I can just deny what you are saying, then maybe you will question the standard you are trying to enforce and then, again, then you will stop bothering me and lower the standard which lets me off the hook. 12

13 4. Victim Mentality Victim Mentality occurs when the individual simply tries to play the martyr, or victim. The person just simply falls on their own sword and says such things as: Well, I will just work until I fall over to get it all done I just won t talk to anyone anymore You are all against me. You just would not understand, since you are not a. (Fill in your own protected class choice: Gender, Race, Age, etc.) So we should just tell the client that we can t do that The strategy here is clear. If I can take this situation to the absurd, I can play the victim and get you to lower the standard. All of these games are used to accomplish the same end result: To get the manager to lower the standard that is being imposed, which the employee does not like, and therefore avoid accountability. Unfortunately, too many managers fall for these various games and the employee wins. As a result, the company is overthrown. The employees end up running the place, and management rarely recognizes how such a coup ever happened. The secret to regaining a workplace lies in identifying all of these various games that employees play, naming the game, then enforcing the company s standards. 13

14 Scott Warrick, JD, MLHR, CEQC, SPHR Scott Warrick s Consulting & Employment Law Services (614) Office (614) Cell Link Up With Scott On LinkedIn One of Business First Magazine s 20 People To Know In HR" CEO Magazine s 2008 Human Resources Superstar Nationally Certified Emotional Intelligence Counselor 2012, 2010, 2008, 2007, 2006 and 2003 SHRM National Diversity Conference Presenter Scott Trains Managers and Employees ON-SITE in over 40 topics Scott Warrick specializes in working with organizations to prevent employment law problems from happening while improving employee relations. Scott uses his unique background of LAW and HUMAN RESOURCES to help organizations get where they want to go. Scott travels the country presenting his various programs, including his Living The Seven Skills of Tolerance, Bullying and Healing The Human Brain, The 7 Myths & 7 Skills of Strategic HR, Freaks & Geeks: Preventing All Forms of Bullying & Harassment In The Workplace and Emotional Intelligence For Humans. Scott s Do It Yourself HR Department & Legal Compliance CD is a favorite among Human Resource Professionals to not only inform clients of the changes in Employment Law but to also bring their departments into compliance AND KEEP THEM THERE! Scott s academic background and awards include: Capital University College of Law (Class Valedictorian (1st out of 233)) Master of Labor & Human Resources and B.A. in Organizational Communication: The Ohio State University The Human Resource Association of Central Ohio s Linda Kerns Award for Outstanding Creativity in the Field of Human Resource Management and the Ohio State Human Resource Council s David Prize for Creativity in Human Resource Management For more information on Scott, just go to 14