Tori Haar. Communication for work and household relationships. Please leave this section empty for live captioning service

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1 Tori Haar Communication for work and household relationships Please leave this section empty for live captioning service

2 COMMUNICATION FOR WORK AND HOUSEHOLD RELATIONSHIPS Tori Haar

3 BACKGROUND We can spend significant amounts of time with co-workers and housemates Relationships in different contexts have different rules and boundaries This is a learning curve for everyone as they transition to independent living and the workplace not just Autistics!

4 MY EXPERIENCE First time living out of home at age 15 Shared accommodation with 1-4 others at different points Casual employment while at university Full time professional employment for 3.5 years Diagnosed on the Autism spectrum in 2010 at age 22

5 THE WORK ENVIRONMENT Workplaces can be large or small but will involve relationships and should have a structure Peers, supervisors/bosses, team members Differences in how you communicate / accountability to different people Policies & procedures Accepted ways of working which aren t necessarily written down Co-workers have different levels of relationship which can depend on many factors including personal background, relationship length, personality and amount of time spent together

6 WORKING WITH SUPERVISORS AND BOSSES Know what is expected of you, this includes how to seek clarification and get help if you need it You can have a conversation about your needs and work style without necessarily disclosing your diagnosis Try to seek feedback, use criticism constructively Raise and try to address issues early Let people know they can approach you early if they think an issue may be developing

7 WORKING IN A TEAM Every team is has its own quirks and ways of working Take time to learn and observe Ask questions while you re new Be aware of how much collaboration is normal Respect people s intelligence: People work differently and have their own strengths and weaknesses Respect people s privacy: If they share personal information, and know that you don t have to share personal details you don t want to

8 ADJUSTING TO A SHARE HOUSE ENVIRONMENT Housemates might (or might not) become friends, but are not family This means expectations / boundaries will be different Responses will be different if you are sick/stressed etc. You will take time to get to know each other Preferences, communication style, personality, lifestyle, trigger points Everyone will have a different idea of what s normal Ask questions & set expectations early Image: focusnjoy.com

9 STARTING ON THE RIGHT FOOT Housemate agreements Be clear & be realistic (but not suffocating) Common issues Cleanliness Shopping / food Financial obligations Visitors Use of common areas What happens when things change?

10 TIPS FOR LIVING IN A SHARE HOUSE Be polite and proactive Expect there will be some issues Know the difference between preferences and deal breakers Be realistic and reasonable Be willing to let things go and prepared to explain why something is critical Realize sometimes unexpected things happen Organizational tools can be useful Analogue: Calendar, chores roster, housemate dinners Digital: Apps, text messages / Facebook group, using the internet to answer questions or for templates (e.g. wikihows, online articles, tenancy websites)

11 THE IMPORTANCE OF RESPECT Listen to others points of view Realize people think and work differently Respect people s boundaries Sometimes do more than your share (equality & empathy) No one is right 100% of the time, or always 100% right Don t take advantage of others or expect more of a relationship than is appropriate

12 RESPECT ISN T ABOUT BEING A DOORMAT People also need to give respect to you Beware of gaslighting Automatic vs. earned respect Not everyone has the same values

13 TROUBLESHOOTING ISSUES Have someone neutral to talk to Be careful about gossip Disclose where appropriate Be reflective Try different ways to communicate HR / EAP / tenancy hotline Escalate if necessary Be proactive with your mental health

14 GENERAL TIPS AND THOUGHTS Everyone has a lot to learn when they enter a new work or housing situation, because every group has its own norms Being aware of your needs, including your need to learn, can help you to succeed Stereotypes can be problematic People can make stereotypes about Autistic people but the reverse can also happen (neurotypicals can be shy or misunderstood too) Not all harm is intentional Be aware of taking things literally

15 THANKS FOR LISTENING