May 31 st, Presenter: Maurice Fritze CONFLICT. Conflict - Maurice Fritze

Transcription

1 May 31 st, 2018 Presenter: Maurice Fritze CONFLICT

2 Today: What is conflict? Who am I in conflict? What skills are needed? Let s have that challenging conversation.

3 Conflict management is the principle that all conflicts cannot necessarily be resolved, but learning how to manage conflicts can decrease the odds of nonproductive escalation.

4 Is there any evidence society is moving towards a just society? Personal responsibility for resolving conflict Conflict resolution as professional development Books on mediation, conflict resolution Role of mediation in courts Community mediation Dispute resolution policies

5 1. Don t react 2. Don t decide Tune into the other 3. person Ask problem-solving 4. questions Summarize or 5. paraphrase 6. Take time to think

6 Quintessentially Canadian can-do attitude A conviction that every problem has a solution if people would just be reasonable.

7 Describe the attributes of a good conflict resolver

8 POWER Benefits Disadvantages Clear winner and loser Often expedient Negative peace/retaliation Lack of satisfaction Power resources usually easy to identify May lead to violence No positive expression of concerns

9 RIGHTS Benefits Disadvantages Clear rules for engagement Specific requirements for evidence Law is the same for everyone Process may be open to the public and people can be represented by lawyers Emotional issues and interests not allowed Usually expensive and time consuming Decisions are made by judges or juries Quality of representation may affect the outcome. Precedents are set Law may prohibit creative solutions

10 INTERESTS Benefits Open to exploring feelings Decision-making belongs to the parties May be more expedient than litigation and less costly Not limited to precedence or conventional approaches Disadvantages May have little or no public scrutiny Lack of consistency in outcome May deter the establishment of precedents. Some may not be able to negotiate effectively and may be better served by representation Solutions can be unique to the parties Private justice instead of public

11 Agreement on your terms = Conquest Agreement on their terms = Capitulation Consensus agreement = Collaboration [win/win]

12 Assertiveness demands that your rights be balanced with those of others Aggressiveness means your rights have been served at the expense of other s Passivity means that you have surrendered your rights to those of others.

13 The Mantra You are not the problem They are not the problem Although it often seems that way The problem is the problem So what is the problem?

14 Layers of Conflict DISPUTE The surface layer of conflict [what shows up] UNDERLYING CONFLICT Values and motivations affected by the dispute [requires digging] DEEP-ROOTED/IDENTITY BASED CONFLICT Deep-seated barriers to resolution [complex, unknown origin]

15 Continuum of Conflict Low Intensity Intensity High Legislation Judicial Decisions Arbitration Mediation Conciliation Negotiations Informal Discussion Conflict Avoidance Decisions made by Parties COLLABORATIVE APPROACHES By 3 rd Parties ADVERSARIAL APPROACHES By authoritative 3 rd Parties CONTROL BY PARTIES [OUTCOME] NO CONTROL BY PARTIES

16 The Principle of Separate Realities Expect people to be different, think differently, remember differently, have different values. Just as there are vast differences between cultures, countries and languages, there are vast differences between humans. Think chopsticks vs forks and knives. When we expect to see things differently, when we take it as a given that others will do things differently and react differently to the same stimuli, the understanding we have for others rises dramatically. The moment we expect otherwise, the potential for conflict exists.

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18 Questions provide an effective thermostat that gives an immediate indication of communication success.

19 I speak two languages, Body and English. Mae West

20 Active Listening [making it real] Demonstrates interest and respect De-escalates conflict Lowers emotional temperature Promotes discussion and problem solving Helps verify understanding and intent Makes the other person feel heard

21 Questions Questions inform the speaker that you are listening and that you need more from her/him. Questions create improved listening opportunities. Open questions Closed questions Probing question Consequential questions

22 Why shouldn t you give advice or tell people what to do? It robs them of Autonomy Mastery Purpose

23 Position 1. One party s solution to an issue 2. Makes demands 3. Contains the solution 4. A single acceptable outcome 5. Directive [you must or I will] 6. No flexibility

24 Interests 1. One party s concerns, hopes, expectations, fears, values, needs, beliefs, priorities or assumptions 2. No solution to the issue 3. Non-directive

25 Problem Solving Set the stage: purpose of meeting, ground rules. Begin with the Third Story. Listen to the other person s perspective. Communicate clearly. Define the problem. Brainstorm options. Evaluate options. Develop a solution.

26 Wrap up Key learning? Evaluation End of seminar Maurice Fritze