Crucial Conversations in Special Education

Transcription

1 Tuesday, 2:30 4:00, C4 Crucial Conversations in Special Education Cheryl Levine Objectives: Identify effective methods for the practical application of concepts related to improving the delivery of services for persons with developmental disabilities Notes:

2 Personal Conflict Styles Concern for Self Low ssertiveness High ssertiveness Competing Collaborating Compromising voiding ccommodating Stay way! Low Cooperation Concern for Other High Cooperation dapted from Conflict and Conflict Management by Kenneth Thomas in The Handbook of Industrial and Organizational Psychology, edited by Marvin Dunnette (Chicago, Rand McNally, 1976)

3 CONFLICT STYLES SELF-SSESSMENT SURVEY Imagine yourself in a conflict situation which is typical of the sort that you might see or experience at work. Considering this general sense of conflict, read the following pairs of statements and choose the statement which you think would more likely be your first response. Do not think too long about your answers. Quickly indicate the statement which strikes you as being most accurate at this moment. You must choose one statement for each pair. STTEMENT I often prefer to let the other party take responsibility for solving the problem.. Rather than trying to work on resolving a conflict, I will often try to focus on areas where I can agree with someone. 2.. I attempt to find a way we can both give a little to solve the problem.. I attempt to come up with a totally new solution that will meet the other person s needs as well as my own. 3.. I am usually firm in pursuing personal goals.. I am usually attentive to the other person s feelings, and work to preserve our relationship. 4.. I don t think it s useful to spend a lot of time working out a problem, so I usually try to quickly suggest a workable trade-off.. I often give up my own wishes, and let others have their way. 5.. I almost always seek out the other person s help in working out a solution to the conflict.. I do what ever I can to keep tensions low. 6.. I prefer to do what I can to stay clear of conflicts.. I do what I need to do to persuade others to agree with my position. 7.. I will usually try to postpone the issue until I have had some time to think it over. Then, things usually fix themselves.. I am willing to give up some points in exchange for others. 8.. I usually know what I need in a situation, and pursue it firmly.. I attempt to get everyone s needs, concerns, and interests out on the table as soon as possible. 9.. I usually feel that differences between people are not worth worrying about.. I will put in some extra effort to get things to work out my way I try to balance what each party gives, in order to solve the conflict.. I know what I need, and I work to get it I want to know what we can both do to satisfy one another s concerns.. I keep an eye on the other person s feelings, so I ll know what to do to keep on good terms with them I may keep quiet if I think that my ideas might rock the boat.. If the other person will give me some of what I want, I will probably try to give them some of what they want too I try to find a happy medium.. I press forward until I feel my points have been heard and accepted I share my perspective & ideas and ask the other person for theirs.. I will often attempt to get others to see the logic and benefits of my position I like to keep a pleasant emotional climate, and will do what I can to soothe another person s feelings.. I can turn away from a problem if it will cause too much tension. Totals for this page:

4 STTEMENT I do my best to approach a problem in a way that will not hurt the other person s feelings.. I don t like to lose an argument when I know I m right I stay focused on achieving my goals as I work toward a solution.. I do what I can to stay away from arguments and tense situations If I can see that it makes the other person happy, I might oblige and let a problem be ignored.. I believe that usually you should give a little to get a little I usually will try to thoroughly explore the problem with another person, before we work together to find a common solution.. If something doesn t really bother me, I don t see a need to bring it up I try to clarify differences so that we can move on to brainstorming ideas for a solution.. I attempt to make deals that are a fair mix of gains & losses for everyone I want to know what I can do to satisfy the other person s concerns.. I generally want to sort through the problem until everyone feels good about the solution I try to find a middle ground.. I say what I need up front, and hold firm until these needs are met I maintain clarity about my own needs, while remaining open to exploring the other person s perspective.. I prefer to lay low and let conflicts blow over If the other person seems firm in their position, I will probably try to find a way to adapt and give them what they want.. If I give someone what they want, I expect to get something in return I feel it is a waste of time to talk much about problems. I usually know what needs to be done, and am ready to move on with it.. If I can give the other person what they want to create harmony, I will I will propose a middle ground.. I usually try to seek a solution that addresses everyone s needs and wishes If I think that my position will create controversy, I will keep it to myself.. I can live with some discomfort if the other person seems happy The best strategy to get what I need is decisive action.. I seek the other person s ideas as we work toward a solution It is usually best to split the difference & give a little/get a little.. I find there is usually no point in opening up problems I try to soft pedal my needs, so as not to impose on others.. I almost always share a problem with the other person, so we can work it out together. Totals for this page: Totals from the first page: Combined Totals: Conflict Styles:

5 Questions you might want to ask if your score in this style was Conflict Style especially low or especially high 1. Competing If you scored high (8-12): Do you find that the people you work with are quick to agree with you or avoid you? This may mean that they have discovered that it is dangerous to question your ideas. This could cut you off from valuable information and reality testing, and lead to yes men and groupthink. re your subordinates afraid to ask questions or admit mistakes? The competitive climate you generate may make it difficult for people to get the information they need, and to learn new skills, because they are afraid to try new things and possibly show weakness. If you scored low (0-3): Do you often feel powerless in situations? You may be unaware of the power you hold, or be uncomfortable in using it. This may restrict your ability to make positive influences. Do you have trouble taking a firm stand, even when you see the need? Sometimes our concerns for another s feelings or our discomfort at exercising power may cause a situation to continue that 2. ccommodating continues to harm ourselves or others. If you scored high (7-12): Do you feel that your own ideas and concerns are not getting the attention they deserve? Deferring too much to others can deprive you of influence, recognition, or respect. It also deprives others of your insights and potential contributions. Is discipline lax among your subordinates? Perhaps not being firm on rules, procedures, and assignments makes your team feel unfocussed and without clear guidelines or mission. If you scored low (1-2): Do you have trouble admitting when you are wrong, giving up an argument, or building goodwill among others? Sometimes apologies, admissions of fallibility, or accommodations on minor issues that are important to others can build a sense of goodwill. Do others accuse you of being unreasonable and inflexible? There are often acceptable exceptions to rules, or flexibility in their interpretation. 3. voiding If you scored high (8-12): Do people around you walk on eggshells or neglect to involve you in projects? Maybe they have Stay way! learned that it is futile to try to guess where you stand, or to engage your participation. re decisions on important issues made by default? Perhaps your fear of taking a stand (and failure) is defeating your ability to make choices that would give you more positive outcomes. If you scored low (1-4): Do you find yourself hurting people s feelings or stirring up hostilities? You may want to exercise more tact in confronting people and addressing issues. Tact is partially a way to avoid directly confronting potentially disruptive aspects of an issue. 4. Compromising If you scored high (9-12): Do you sometimes lose sight of the larger issues (principles, values, long-term objectives) while you are engaging in the tactics of gamesmanship, bargaining and negotiation? Such a climate may undermine interpersonal trust and diminish the quality or value of negotiated agreements or gains. If you scored low (1-4): Do you find yourself too sensitive or embarrassed to be effective in negotiating settlements? How can the other know or address your concerns/needs if you are afraid to voice them? Do you find it hard to make concessions? Without this safety valve you may find it hard to gracefully get out of power struggles or mutually destructive arguments. 5. Collaborating If you scored high (10-12): Do you spend time discussing inconsequential issues in detail? Collaboration requires time and energy, and may be a waste of effort and resources for minor problems that could quickly be resolved using another style. Do you collaborate to limit personal responsibility or risk? Does your collaborative behavior fail to elicit a collaborative response from others? Sometimes the tentative explorations of collaboration appear to be weakness or fear of risk, and will be ignored or taken advantage of by others. Real collaboration is not one-sided, and requires that all parties be invested in working together to find an optimal solution. If you scored low (1-5): Is it difficult for you to see differences as opportunities for learning, problem solving, or joint gain? lthough there are risks in engaging with others to address conflict, persistent or indiscriminate pessimism can prevent you from opportunities for broadening your knowledge and perspective, and from making more considered and durable decisions. re subordinates uncommitted to your decisions or policies? Maybe they feel that their own concerns have not been solicited or incorporated into those decisions or policies.

6 CHOOSING CONFLICT STYLES - THE RIGHT TOOL FOR THE JO Each of these styles has advantages and disadvantages in certain situations. Conflict Style When this conflict style may be most useful Possible pitfalls of this style 1. Competing 2. ccommodating 3. voiding Stay way! 4. Compromising 5. Collaborating when unpopular decisions have to be enforced in situations when there can only be one winner and one loser (bidding processes, competitive sports and games, pursuit of limited resources which cannot be shared) when you believe strongly that you are right and the outcome is very important (usually relates to beliefs, goals or values). in crisis situations where quick action is needed when the relationship is more important than the issue when you perceive their need is greater than yours, and can step aside when the balance of power is clearly in their favor (i.e., you could get fired and you are not sure this one s worth it) when the other party is trying out some new skills (decision-making, problem-solving, conflict, etc.) and you can live with the outcome even though it is not your first choice when you find that your idea is not the best one when parties are over-emotional and need a cooling off period when you agree to disagree when it really isn t your problem, or others may be better at solving it when the cost of engagement is greater than the benefits or reward when you really cannot do anything about the situation, or it seems to be a symptom of a larger problem, and you decide not to waste energy on it when priorities dictate that it is not wise to get sidetracked on less important issues when you need more time to gather information or think when the situation is stalemated or deadlocked & you need to avoid win/lose when half a loaf would truly be better than none at all when shortness of time does not allow for further problem-solving when you want to preserve the relationship and further conflict on this issue would be too damaging when your concern is simply getting what you can and moving on (and you have little interest in nurturing or preserving the relationship) when the issue is of real significance, or it is critical that the solution integrate all perspectives when your objective is to learn and grow when strong feelings must be incorporated and addressed when the outcome has major implications for the future of the group, organization, or the relationship when you can commit the time and energy to do creative problem solving seeking the best solution from among all possible alternatives when you are committed to win/win solutions when all persons involved must be committed to the outcome and help to implement it can damage the sense of mutual benefit and satisfaction in ongoing relationships usually creates power imbalances (and possible instability) taking what another person wants can create an enemy ignoring the needs of others can create personal isolation doesn t provide opportunities for creative joint problem-solving or healing relationships may produce resentment, because you don t meet your own needs often creates power imbalances (and possible instability) can distance you from your own needs & your own wisdom can produce poorly crafted or lopsided decisions (lose-lose) doesn t give the other person the benefit of your intelligence does not give you any say in the outcome ignoring the needs of self & others can create personal isolation can distance you from your own needs & your own wisdom doesn t give the other person the benefit of your intelligence problems are unlikely to disappear if simply ignored doesn t provide any opportunities for creative problem-solving or healing relationships may not create solutions which hold up over time, because no one is really satisfied with the outcome may not give all parties a chance to really think through the situation carefully may leave others feeling like you have pulled a fast one May not build the relationship, because it does not promote deep or authentic communication between the parties may be time-consuming decision making process may require time & experimentation, and can create some frustration may create unacceptable sense of vulnerability (especially when both parties are not equally committed to preserving the relationship or finding win-win solutions)