Crucial Conversations

Transcription

1 Crucial Conversations 2017 Employee Engagement & Development Department of Human Resources

2 Crucial Conversations Best Practice Strategies for Resolving Issues in the Workplace January 26, 2017 Agenda Welcome & Introductions Warm-up Activity Crucial/Difficult Conversation Overview Preparing for the Conversation Steps for a Successful Outcome Small Group Activity Various Scenarios Closing the Conversation Some Additional Strategies Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 1

3 Warm-up Activity What types of issues/situations may lead to difficult conversations in the workplace? From your perspective, what factors make these conversations difficult? What Makes a Conversation Crucial/Difficult? Conversations we find hard to talk about with another person: Emotions are high Stakes are high and There are opposing opinions involved We may be concerned about: The uncertainty of the outcome Impact on the relationship Power dynamics Image source - Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 2

4 Why Is It Important To Have These Conversations? Managed Conflict Strengthens relationships and promotes teamwork Encourages open communication and co-operative problem solving Increases productivity Deals with real issues and concentrates on win-win solutions Makes allies and diffuses anger Airs all sides of an issue in a positive, supportive environment Focuses towards results Unmanaged Conflict Damages relationships and discourages co-operation Results in defensiveness and hidden agendas Wastes time and resources Focuses on fault-finding and blaming Creates enemies and hard feelings Is frustrating, stress producing and energy draining Is often loud, hostile and chaotic Why Is It Important To Have These Conversations? Provides an opportunity for all parties to have a better understanding of each other's perspectives/interests. Helps to identify opportunities for enhancing the working relationship. When an issue is ignored or left unresolved: it can have a negative effect on not only the parties involved but others within the department/institution. often results in increased stress, anxiety, lower morale, decreased job satisfaction and strained working relationships. Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 3

5 What Do We Typically Do When Confronted With These Situations? Avoid them Face them and handle them poorly Face them and handle them well Our goal for today s session Ingredients of Difficult Conversations Differing Perceptions Assumptions About Intent Feelings Blame Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 4

6 Why Do These Conversations Tend To Fail? We are not prepared. Emotions take over. Body language sends negative signals. We Have to Talk Preparing For The Conversation Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 5

7 Don t Rush Do not engage in a conversation with your colleague when you are angry. Being angry impacts your ability to use rational, problem-solving skills. Take the time to cool down, reflect on the situation at hand and identify actions for moving forward. Analyze the Situation Determine the issue(s) from your perspective and the other person's perspective. Determine your and the other person s interests (needs, fears, wants, concerns about the issue). Determine whether or not this is a conversation worth having. Is there a more effective way to address the issue? Should you just let it go because the issue is not important enough? Or the risks are greater than any possible gain? Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 6

8 Questions to Consider What do you hope to achieve by having this conversation? What assumptions are you making about the person s intentions/behaviours? What is your perception of the situation? How would the other person interpret the situation? What are your needs and fears related to the situation and the conversation? What are the needs of the other person? Questions to Consider Have you contributed to the situation? If yes, how? What might be some examples of options to explore to solve the situation at hand? What buttons of yours are being pushed? Does your attitude towards the conversation influence your perception of it? If so, how? Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 7

9 Work on Yourself In order for the conversation to be effective, you will need to stay in charge of: Yourself Your purpose Your emotional energy Identify strategies for keeping a calm and centered state throughout the conversation. We Need to Talk Steps For A Successful Outcome Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 8

10 Four Steps Inquiry Problem Solve Acknowledgement Advocacy Step 1 Opening & Inquiry Make it safe to talk. Embrace a mutual purpose Offer mutual respect Describe the purpose (mutual understanding, problem solving). Talk about the need to work together to determine how to move forward. Focus on contribution not blame. Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 9

11 How do I Begin the Conversation? Examples: I have something I would like to discuss with you that I think will help us work together more effectively. I think we have different perceptions about.. I would like to hear your thoughts on this. I would like to talk about I think we may have different ideas about how to.. Step 1 - Inquiry Share your facts and tell your story. What you observed the other person say/do (actions) How that felt (impact) The assumptions about intentions (label them as assumptions) Example: I felt attacked when you criticized my project in the team meeting. Because you did not share them with me before, I I assumed you wanted to humiliate me in front of the group. Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 10

12 Step 1 Inquiry Invite the other person to share their perspective. Pretend that you don t know anything and try to learn as much as possible about the other person s perspective, interests, point of view. Don t only focus on the words said. Watch for body language Listen for unspoken energy - What does he/she really want?, What is he/she not saying? Step 1 Inquiry Focus on areas of common ground without loosing sight of differences/opposing interests. Don t interrupt, listen actively. Respond, not defend. Don t take things personally be prepared for an emotional reaction/push back. Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 11

13 Key Techniques Use Positive, Non-Blaming Communication State your position using I statements Avoid you statements- they sound accusatory and blaming. You just keep on rumbling on an on versus I am not understanding you. Help me to hear what I am missing Use tentative language. It looks to me., It appears to me. Avoid why questions. Why did you say that? Use Active Listening Techniques Ask open-ended questions to encourage further discussion and explanation. Tell me more, Help me understand Paraphrase to ensure the accuracy of the message heard (clarity). Use non-verbal encouragers. nod of the head or positive facial expressions Use verbal minimal responses. Uh-huh Summarize the conversation. Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 12

14 Small Group Activity As a group draft the following for the scenario selected: A common purpose. Your opening statement. Your story (Action, Impact, Assumptions) be concise. Two (2) open-ended questions that you may ask during the conversation to understand the other person s perspective. Scenarios A. Your supervisor has advised you of a decision related to a project you are working on. You disagree with his/her decision and want to point out the errors/risks associated with the decision. B. Your colleague has accused you of treading on his/her perceived turf. You believe that both roles are ambiguous. Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 13

15 Scenarios C. You presented your preliminary research findings to your colleagues and requested their feedback. You believe that you were unjustifiably attacked by one of your colleagues who picked on your work and did not provide any constructive feedback. D. You share an office space with a colleague. From your perspective he/she is very disrespectful. His/her behaviours/actions are impacting your ability to focus and get your work done. Step 2 - Acknowledgement Summarize and paraphrase to ensure you got it right. So what you are saying is.. Show that you have heard and understood their position. It does not mean that you agree with it. Words that acknowledge the other person s perspective can help bridge differences. I hear what you are saying Acknowledge the other person s feelings. I can see how this situation made you feel frustrated Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 14

16 Small Group Activity For the scenario selected, as a group draft: A common purpose. Your opening statement. Your story (Action, Impact, Assumptions) be concise. Two (2) open-ended questions that you may ask during the conversation to understand the other person s perspective. Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 15

17 Step 3 - Advocacy Once the perspectives/positions have been expressed and acknowledged, clarify your position without minimizing the other person s position. From what you have shared, I can see how you have come to the conclusion that I am not a team player. And I think I am. When I introduce problems about a project in a meeting, I don t mean to be a critic, though perhaps I sound like one. Maybe we can talk about how to address these issues so that my intentions are clear. Step 3 - Advocacy Adopt the yes and stance. Validate that both your view of the situation and the other person s view have value and that you don t have to choose which one is right. I now understand that you walked away from the meeting feeling isolated and lonely. I also walked away feeling unheard and dismissed. Now that we understand each other, what s a good way to resolve the issue? Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 16

18 Step 4 Problem Solving Brainstorm possible solutions for moving forward. Ask the other person what he/she thinks might work. Find something in his/her idea that you like and build on it. If the discussion becomes adversarial again, go back to inquiry. Ask the other person for their point of view. Step 4 Problem Solving Focus on identifying sustainable solutions. Assess the options identified and reach agreement on the one that would work best. Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 17

19 Closing the Conversation Make a commitment to meet in an agreed period of time to check in. Thank the other person for talking with you. Some Additional Strategies GE Foundation Workplace Skills Program. Module 8 Having Difficult Conversations, Participant Booklet. Pages Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 18

20 Strategies for Difficult Conversations GE Foundation Workplace Skills Program. Module 8 Having Difficult Conversations, Participant Booklet. Pages Stop arguing about who s right. Explore each other s story. Arguing is not helpful, it simply increases anger, hurt, and frustration and interferes with the clarity of your thinking. 2. Avoid thinking that they are the problem. Catch yourself thinking they are selfish, they are controlling and remember they have their own story. 3. Acknowledge the different stories during the conversation. We each take in different information, which become our observations. We then reach our own conclusions based on different interpretations. 4. Move from I m right to I m trying to understand. People almost never change without first feeling understood. To get anywhere in a disagreement we need to understand the other person s story well enough to see how their conclusions make sense. 5. Never assume you know a person s intention. It is a critical and common mistake when people are trying to resolve their disagreement. Our assumptions are frequently wrong and we often think the worst when engaged in discussing tension points in a relationship. 6. Abandon blame. It is more important to understand how each person contributed to creating the problem. Blame is often a big issue in many difficult conversations. Focusing on blame usually limits our ability to learn what is really causing the problem. Blame is about judging and looking to the past. We need to focus on understanding and looking forward for solutions. Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 19

21 7. When there is a need to have a difficult conversation with someone, there are always ways in which you contributed to the problem. Both people must talk about and take responsibility for how they are contributing to the conflict. 8. People need to identify their feelings during difficult conversations. Recognizing our feelings is often challenging and more of a problem than people acknowledge. Feelings are very good at disguising themselves, especially those feelings that create discomfort. 9. Many of us cannot identify our own feelings because we have learned somewhere along the line that the feelings of others are more important than ours. Avoid this thinking trap. Expressing your feelings is as important as understanding their emotions. 10. Encourage the other person to express their feelings before you start down the road of problem solving. 11. The path to changing your feelings is through changing your thinking. As long as you continue to think that someone is intentionally trying to hurt you this thinking will greatly influence your feelings. It is important to monitor your thinking and check the assumptions you are making. 12. We all have our hot buttons or sensitivities that can trigger quick reactions. It is important for you to know your hot spots and try to remain calm and stay balanced when someone pushes your buttons. 13. If the stress or tension is rising during your conversation, take a break and regroup. Talk with one another about what s happening at the time (tension rising or an impasse) and come back to the conversation later. Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 20

22 14. Beware of one-sided and either-or thinking. This is where people fall into the trap of the solution needing to be either or. Also, the solution has got to be. This way of thinking is about winning or losing. 15. If you find yourself hesitating to engage in a difficult conversation, examine what is going on inside your own personal story. Our stories create meaning for us and strong feelings or judgments. Get in touch with these feelings and closely examine your story. 16. Try to reach a win-win agreement on the solution to the problem. Do not assume silence or going along with suggestions is an agreement. Schedule a follow-up meeting to talk to the other person about what s changed related to the agreement. Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 21

23 Resources Consulted Articles and Practical Guides (retrieved from various websites) GE Foundation Workplace Skills Program. Module 8 Having Difficult Conversations, Participant Booklet. Government of Alberta. Let s Talk. A Guide to Resolving Workplace Conflicts, Judy Ringer. We Can Talk: A Step by Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations, Ohio State University. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. Rachael Robertson.10 Tips For Having That Difficult Conversation. Teresa Oliszewicz. Crucial Conversations: Communicating When Tension is High and Results are Needed. Vancouver Island University. Guide to Workplace Conflict. Employee Engagement & Development - Department of Human Resources 22