DO YOU WANT A MENTOR? TABLE OF CONTENTS I THINK I WANT A MENTOR--AM I READY?...2 HOW TO FIND A MENTOR THAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU...3 TIPS FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP...4 THE GOALS ARE ACHIEVED--WHAT NEXT?...6
I THINK I WANT A MENTOR--AM I READY? When you enter into a mentoring relationship, it is important that you be ready for the experience. Consider the following characteristics of a mentee and ask yourself whether you are ready for a mentor. Your role will be to: shape the overall agenda for the relationship know what you want! establish realistic and attainable expectations be open in communicating with your mentor establish priority issues for action or support don t expect the mentor to be an expert in every facet of business solicit and accept feedback from your mentor, and come prepared to each meeting to discuss issues. As a mentee you must take responsibility for your own career and goals. Although you will have the benefit of a mentor s guidance, you are responsible for your own path. Your mentor may guide you on the path to earn a promotion, for instance, but it is you, the mentee, who must earn it. Review the following and ask yourself, Am I Committed to expanding my capabilities Able to accept and act on feedback Willing to apply learning to the job Focused on achieving desired business results Able to communicate and work cooperatively with others Aware of when to ask for help A person who has a sense of personal responsibility and commitment Willing to meet on a regular basis A key success factor in a mentoring relationship is the willingness to receive and act on feedback. Click here for a checklist to see how well you fare in receiving feedback. 2
Now that you have decided you want to enter a mentoring relationship, the next step is to find a mentor. HOW TO FIND A MENTOR THAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU It is very likely that you already know the person who can best assist you. If not, ask your manager, your colleagues, or perhaps your HR representative if they know someone with the skill, knowledge and leadership competencies that you need. Here are some tips on what to look for in a mentor. Competencies of an Ideal Mentor demonstrates the public sector s values of respect, integrity, diversity, accountability, and the public good communicates well contributes to the organization s success demonstrates superior performance/results fosters a learning environment has a genuine enthusiasm for the job knows key people in different areas of the government leads well listens well manages effectively possesses excellent work habits and people skills understands and is able to articulate business challenges understands business operations and strategy understands the corporate culture Mentors should be individuals who have maintained current, up-todate technical/professional knowledge and/or skills, and are still willing to, and be able to, learn and see the potential benefits of a mentoring relationship. They must have sufficient knowledge of the organization, the skills to pass on this knowledge, and the ability to effectively develop the mentee. S/he needs to be someone you respect, who has accomplished things that you admire and hope to achieve yourself, and someone you can trust to discuss sensitive career issues with confidentiality. Mentors should be interested in and willing to help others. Individuals who have had positive formal or informal experiences with a mentor tend to be good mentors themselves. They demonstrate effective coaching, counseling, facilitating, and networking skills and have a good reputation for helping others to develop their skills. The mentor should be someone who is patient and has time to go over your goals and work with you on your career development plan and have the time and mental energy to devote to the relationship. Once you have identified your mentor, you should create a mentorship agreement. Click here for tips on how to create an agreement. Click here for a blank agreement form. 3
TIPS FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP You have now come to an agreement and understanding of your mentorship relationship. Before jumping to the next step of accomplishing goals, it is important that you take time to get to know each other this is a critical step that is often skipped. Take some time to become acquainted with one another s interests, values and personal goals. This seems to help a mentoring relationship gain a better start than when such activity is given a low priority. You and your mentor should reach a point where you can discuss things openly and honestly. While working together to achieve the agreed upon goals, there are certain skills which will increase your chances of success in particular, communication skills. The lack of effective communication is the greatest barrier to healthy relationships with co-workers, friends, family, and others. You and your mentor must both effectively listen and give meaningful feedback. There are two types of listening: passive and active. Passive Listening When a listener does not verbally respond to the speaker. They may send nonverbal messages through eye contact, smiles, yawns or nods. It is appropriate when: the person wants to air a gripe, vent frustration, or express an opinion you want to ease back mentally or be entertained, for instance, the other person relates a joke or story Active Listening Active listening involves verbal feedback. Perhaps it is through questioning of additional information or by paraphrasing (e.g., Let me make sure I m with you so far, or What I hear you saying is ). Then you rephrase the other s ideas in your own words. With this type of feedback, you demonstrate that you have understood the other s concerns, observation, advice, etc. Regardless of your role in the relationship, either as the mentee or the mentor, listening skills are critical. Here are some tips to help you improve your listening skills. 4
Tips for Great Listening Skills Stop talking. Empathize with the other person. Ask Questions. Be patient. Put the talker at ease. Be aware of your emotions and prejudices. Control your anger. Get rid of distractions. Get the main points. React to ideas, not to the person. Don t argue mentally. Listen for what is NOT said. Listen to HOW something is said. Don t antagonize the speaker. Avoid classifying the speaker prematurely. Avoid jumping to conclusions. Hold your fire. Learn not to get too excited or angry about the individual s point until you are sure you understand it. Do not immediately draw any conclusions either good or bad. Reduce your emotional reactions. Listen for the main points. When listening, focus on the main ideas. Make a mental outline of the other person s most important points. Resist distractions. While listening, try to ignore your surroundings and concentrate on the speaker s facial expression and his/her emphasis on certain words Capitalize on thought speed. On average, a person speaks 125 words a minute. However, people process what they hear at almost four times that speed. Don t let your mind stray while you are waiting for the person s next point. Instead, try to listen between the lines. Concentrate on the non-verbal messages. Listen for the whole meaning. Listen for feeling as well as fact. In other words, try to get inside the other person s head. Effective listening is a skill that comes from practice and a desire to understand the other person. Throughout the life of your relationship, it is important to assess your progress. Refer back to your mentorship agreement and see if you are living up to what you agreed on. Ask yourself: Is there a good reason for this mentoring relationship to continue? If there are concerns, take the time to talk about them. Consider what you should: Stop Start Continue Gradually needs are fulfilled. Objectives are met. Professional growth takes place. New challenges are presented and achieved. As the relationship matures, your mentor will serve more as a counselor, guide, and door-opener. Your mentor will be persuading you to find answers on your own and prodding you to take risks, try new strategies, ask questions, and make discoveries. 5
THE GOALS ARE ACHIEVED--WHAT NEXT? You and your mentor should individually complete and then discuss the following questions 1. This will help you decide if your mentoring relationship should continue, if perhaps it is time for a different mentor, or if you don t require a mentor at this time. 1. What have you valued most from your mentoring relationship? 2. What else do you want to say thank you for? 3. Should we continue our mentoring partnership? 4. If yes, how does our agreement need to change? 5. How will our relationship be different this time? 11 These questions are from Mentoring Partner s Handbook, Center for Coaching & Mentoring, Inc. It is a helpful, inexpensive tool structured in a workbook format. Check out http://coachingandmentoring.com/ 6