Re-defining the relationship When mentoring ends unexpectedly Telltale signs that it is time to end the mentorship.. 23 Conclusion...

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3 Table of Contents What is mentoring What are the types of mentoring What are the benefits of mentoring... 2 How can I get started in a mentorship?... 2 Getting started... 4 Defining the purpose of the mentorship Matching The mentorship process... 6 Mentorship logistics.. 7 Mentoring in the information age... 8 The role of the mentee s supervisor... 9 Mentoring phases... 9 Developing rapport and setting goals Getting to know each other Setting goals Mentoring Providing support Challenge.. 15 Encourage movement and managing the mentoring time The process of feedback. 17 Overcoming barriers Challenges presented by mentees. 18 Challenges presented by mentors.. 18 What you can do...19 Closure.. 19 Celebrating a successful conclusion i

4 Re-defining the relationship When mentoring ends unexpectedly Telltale signs that it is time to end the mentorship.. 23 Conclusion Glossary of terms 26 Appendices Getting to know your mentor questionnaire Mentorship agreement Sample Action Plan. 34 Blank Action Plan. 35 Mentorship Accountability Log.. 39 ii

5 Congratulations on your enthusiasm for entering a mentorship. The County is seeking motivated employees who want to grow and challenge themselves by developing new technical and leadership skills. You have shown motivation and proactivity by volunteering to commit to the mentoring process. This guide will help you understand your role as a mentee and will provide you with ideas and resources to make the experience enriching and productive. What is Mentoring? Mentoring is a reciprocal relationship where a more experienced person advises and supports another person in areas that they want to develop. According to Eric Parsloe from the Oxford School of Coaching and Mentoring, mentoring is to support and encourage people to manage their own learning in order that they may maximize their potential, develop their skills, improve their performance and become the person they want to be." There are formal and informal mentorship. Some informal mentor pairs or groups occur naturally and last for undetermined lengths of time. Formal mentorships are structured to provide a beginning, middle and end phase. This guide will walk you through a formal mentorship structure. Developing rapport and Setting goals Mentoring Closure What are the Types of Mentoring? Typical mentoring relationships involve a more experienced person supporting the growth and development of a less knowledgeable or experienced person. However, there are other kinds of mentorships that could be helpful to both the mentor and the mentee. For example, in Reverse Mentoring, a more senior employee may be paired with a junior or lower ranking employee as a mentor in order to learn specific skills or to tap into the technical expertise of those with boots on the ground. In Peer mentoring, peers mentor each other. They may share commonality in jobs, assignments, experience or education, but they may differ in skills. Peer mentors are helpful for those in new assignments, such as new supervisors or employees assigned to a different team or location within their same job title. 1

6 In Group mentoring, employees mentor each other to leverage knowledge, information and skills. The group mentoring sessions can be facilitated by more experienced colleagues or they can be self-guided by group mentors taking turns to coordinate the meetings. While these different kinds of mentoring are innovative and allow flexibility, the same principles of mentoring apply. As a mentee, you should be committed to the process and be willing to listen and learn. If you are in one of these less traditional mentorships, the information and resources in this guide can still be helpful to you in understanding key principles for making the mentorship successful. However, the phases described here are more reflective of the traditional model of mentoring. What are the Benefits of Mentoring? Mentees benefit by learning new technical, leadership and inter-personal skills; having the opportunity to see their agency/department from other perspectives, expanding relationships, learning how to be mentors themselves in the future and by growing personally and professionally Mentors benefit by getting the opportunity to strengthen their own coaching, counseling and leadership skills; developing new professional and organizational contacts; getting exposure to new ideas, technologies and perspectives through their mentees and by expanding relationships built on mutual trust and shared learning, not to mention personal satisfaction. The organization benefits from increased productivity, career development of employees and higher morale. Mentorship programs can help organizations onboard their new employees, enhance workforce skills, develop its employees professional identity, create a cultural identity, improve customer service, increase staff retention and ensure knowledge transfer. How can I Get Started in a Mentorship? This guide will assist you in understanding your role and the expectations of mentees in the County of Orange. There are a few things you should know as you prepare for this experience. You will get more details in the sections that follow. 1. Mentoring is a reciprocal relationship. You should expect to be equally as engaged as your mentor in the process 2

7 2. The goal of mentoring is learning. Having a good relationship with your mentor is great, but if there is no learning, your relationship is not truly a mentorship. 3. Mentoring is built on the relationship. You should be open and willing to put in the work to create a trusting relationship with your mentor. 4. Mentoring is a partnership. You are not a passive learner. Your role is to drive the process as an equal partner with your mentor. 5. For mentoring to be effective, you should expect to collaborate with your mentor to develop shared meaning. 6. You must be willing to work on clearly defined learning and development goals that are mutually agreed upon by you and your mentor. 7. Mentoring is focused on development to boost your skills, knowledge and abilities. It is oriented toward boosting your performance and effectiveness in the future. 8. Mentoring is not coaching, and it is not teaching in the traditional sense. It is facilitating a process of professional and personal growth based on your aspirations. The mentorship challenge is to be willing to stretch yourself in ways you have not done before. You may come face to face with aspects of yourself that you are not thrilled about. You may experience discomfort. You may even stumble or fail. As long as you keep your goals in mind and work toward your objectives in an open way, you will be able to count on your mentor to support you. Remember, if you keep doing what you have always done, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. Are you ready for something different in the future? 3

8 Getting Started If your agency/department has a mentorship program coordinator, he or she will work with you to make the purpose of your mentorship clear and to ensure you have resources available to you in the process. If no coordinator is available, you can still find what you need in this guide. Your agency/department may be looking for specific outcomes that the organization feels you can be instrumental in fulfilling, or they may be more broadly interested in supporting your development. Regardless of the organization s purpose, you must be clear on your vision for the future. Spend some time considering where you have been and where you would like to go in the future. Having a personal mission statement and a clear vision will set the stage for creating your developmental goals. Be aware that mentoring is an active process. When you enter a mentorship, you are agreeing to engage in self-exploration and reflection. There are a few skills and attributes that are essential to make sure you are ready for the process. Spend some time reviewing them below. Being open to feedback. This means that you are willing to ask, receive, reflect and act on feedback. Feedback is indispensable for learning and growth to take place. It takes courage and humility to process developmental feedback. It takes openness and self-awareness to also accept positive feedback as a means to reinforce skills. Learning in mentoring is self-directed. You will be in charge of your own learning. Your mentor will support you in developing your goals, developmental plan and identifying growth opportunities; however, your mentor will not dictate your path. You must be willing and ready to fully collaborate in the mentoring process. You must be ready to work on building relationships. For the mentorship to be effective, you must devote time to developing authentic relationships. You should be ready to work just as hard on developing and maintaining your relationship with your mentor as you will on your goals. 4

9 Communication is key. Listen actively and work on developing trust with your mentor. Be authentic and patient. Seek to understand, and when you communicate, spend time ensuring your message is being received in the way you intended. You must be ready to develop goals. Your mentor will support you in making your goals achievable; however, you must enter the mentorship fully willing to work on specific developmental goals. Follow through. When you make a commitment within your mentorship, be prepared to keep it. This builds trust and keeps the momentum going. Reflection is an essential element of mentoring. Be ready to spend time being introspective and considering where you are, where you are going, what is keeping you from getting there and what you will do to overcome barriers. You must be willing to take the initiative. Do not wait for your mentor to direct you or make every move. This means being pro-active in every way, from scheduling meetings to offering your own solutions and ideas for achieving your goals. Be open to differences. Diversity is the spice of life. Many things can add diversity to your mentorship context. We willing to embrace them. You can read more about context, culture and valuing differences in the sections that follow. Once you have done some introspective work on this and decided that you are ready for the challenge, it is time to take action. This guide will help you navigate the process. Along the way, if your organization has a mentorship coordinator, he or she will be available to answer questions and to assist you if you encounter roadblocks. Your coordinator will work with you to make sure your mentoring pair is working well. 5

10 If at any point you feel that you cannot work with your mentor in a meaningful way, let your coordinator know, if a coordinator is available. He or she will assist you if there is a way to salvage your match. If there is no way to make the match work, your coordinator will assist you in ending the match without any negative consequences. The coordinator may be able to help you find another match if needed. If your organization does not have a mentoring coordinator, you and your mentor will be responsible for managing the direction of the match on your own. Defining the Purpose of the Mentorship The purpose of your mentorship can arise from a variety of sources. There may already be an identified need for development in your agency/department s workforce, or there may be new goals that arise over time. Within the organizational framework, you and your mentor will work to establish goals and to define your individual purpose in mentoring by focusing on your vision. Matching Mentoring will happen outside your direct chain of command. This structure allows you the opportunity to explore your own strengths and areas for growth without concern about the process resulting in negative consequences at work. This also allows for the mentorship to be focused on your development and growth opportunities, and for you to be exposed to broader perspectives within the organization, and to greater networking opportunities. Mentor/Mentee matching can take place in a variety of ways. It could be a selfmatching process or facilitated matching, depending on your agency/department s needs and goals. If your organization has a mentoring coordinator, he or she may manage the matching process. If you are matching yourself, you will be responsible for finding your own mentor. The Mentorship Process There are a few things you should know about mentoring as you prepare to begin your journey. Having the right context and structure for the relationships will allow you and your mentor to have a successful mentorship. For this reason, please take some time to review the following principles about successful mentorships. 6

11 1. Mentoring is focused on learning. You can expect to work together with your mentor to achieve specific and mutually designed goals focused for developing your skills, learning abilities, knowledge and thinking. In essence, your relationship should be reciprocal, focused on learning, grounded on a strong relationship and partnership, collaborative, based on mutually defined goals and geared for development. Because the way in which adults learn is driven by the learner s style, motivation and need to know, your mentor will engage you in conversations and activities intended to stimulate reflection and challenge you to think differently. Be open to the process, and take your time being thoughtful and deliberate in your self-explorations. 2. The context matters. All mentoring relationships are affected by context. Our paradigms and ways of seeing our environment affect our behavior, emotions and the way we experience relationships. Your context will be integral when you establish goals and strategic objectives together with your mentor. Here are a few areas to consider when establishing context. Culture brings context. Our generation (or age) also brings context to our experience. Those who have gone through a common experience share a history and point of reference that may be perceived as different by those who do not. Currently, there are three generations in the workplace; 1) the Baby Boomers; 2) Generation X and 3) Millennial. Consider how different the world looks to somebody who has never known the world without computers or for somebody who personally remembers the assassination of JFK. As a mentee, you may encounter a mentor who is from a different generation or culture from your own. Discuss your and your mentor s experience and context openly. Use it as an avenue to stimulate learning. Another dimension of context is diversity status, such as gender, sexual identity, religious beliefs, etc. While you may not be addressing these issues directly in your mentorship, it is important to be aware of how diversity impacts context. Mentorship Logistics Most mentorships require a minimum of one meeting per month for at least 1 hour. Other means of communication, such as , phone, text messaging, etc. may also be used as mutually agreed by the mentorship pair. Whenever possible, you should meet in person to ensure continued rapport and additional opportunities to strengthen your relationship. 7

12 You should not let too much time go by between meetings to make sure you keep the momentum going. Your mentor will help you be accountable for completing your mentorship action plan by discussing progress regularly. Mentoring meetings can take place at any location mutually convenient for the mentoring pair, such as one of your offices, another suitable County location or an offsite location, such as a local coffee shop or eatery. Mentoring in the Information Age Even though face to face mentoring has a number of advantages, such as connecting based on verbal and non-verbal cues and promoting interpersonal skills, you should not get discouraged or abandon your mentorship if you are not able to meet in person every single time. The world of technology is evolving so rapidly that virtual or distance mentoring is a real choice. In fact, for some generations, it may be the preferred choice. Virtual mentoring opens up possibilities that are not available in a traditional mentoring, such as connecting when the mentoring pairs live or work in different geographic locations or sharing files in real time. There are several means available to you that you and your mentor can use to keep your relationship going. The options range from phone conversations to video-conferencing, text messaging, or professional electronic networking. Give it a try. If this is not what you do regularly, it may even help you develop new skills! Regardless of what means you and your mentor select to keep your connection, here are a few important points that you should consider as you embark into the mentoring process. Spend time setting up your relationship for learning. Explore your own learning style and how it might impact your mentoring relationship, especially if it is not face to face. 8

13 Explore multiple venues for communication. Always look for opportunities to connect face to face. However, consider other options such as , video conferencing, e-learning, telephone, mail, text and other new technologies. Set up a regular schedule. This will allow you to make connecting a priority. Make sure your schedule is convenient for both you and your mentor. Schedule appointments, but be flexible. Check regularly to make sure your communication is effective. Ask each other if your communication routine is meeting your needs. If not, consider what else you could do to improve it. Make sure your connections result in learning. Are you making progress? The Role of the Mentee s Supervisor Your supervisor has no formal role in the mentorship. While he or she can be supportive and engage you in conversations about your mentorship experience, your supervisor should in no way become involved in the mentorship process or content. He or she should not contact your mentor regarding performance matters, unless specifically and willingly agreed upon by all parties. Likewise, your mentor should not contact your supervisor unless all parties agree, and it will result in a developmental benefit to you. However, your supervisor should allow you flexibility in order to be able to participate in the mentorship in a meaningful way, within appropriate limits. Mentoring Phases Mentoring takes place in three phases. The initial phase is about you and your mentor getting to know each other and setting goals and expectations for the relationship. The mentorship phase is where the bulk of the work takes place. This is where you will work on developing your skills and receive support, feedback and advice from your mentor. The final phase is about evaluating progress made against the goals that were set at the beginning and re-defining the relationship between you and your mentor. The official end for the mentorship should be recognized in a special way that is appropriate in your organization or between you and your mentor. Mentorships typically last 6 months to one year, depending on the mentorship goals. 9

14 Now that you have considered the expectations, purpose and structure of a mentorship through your organization, you are ready to being your journey. You can now delve into each of the distinct phases of mentoring and some activities and suggestions that you may consider along the way for each phase. Developing rapport and Setting goals Mentoring Closure Developing Rapport and Setting goals (Phase 1) The focus during this phase is for you and your mentor to get to know each other and become comfortable with one another. For the mentorship to be successful, both of you must feel like you can work with each other well. Once you have built rapport, you will set goals for the mentorship in order to focus your development. The mentorship goals will be driven by you and must be realistic and defined in terms of desired outcomes. Examples of mentorship goals can be: developing more courage to speak up in large groups or learning specific technical skills that will help further my career or reinforcing/strengthening leadership skills, such as prioritizing. This is your action plan and will be formalized on a written document. This phase of the mentorship also allows for either you or the mentor to opt out of the mentorship match in a safe way if either one of you feels like you are unable to work with one another. If this happens, the mentorship coordinator, if your agency/department has one, should first determine if there is any way to salvage the match. If the match is not salvageable, another match may be made available for both you and the mentor in the same way the initial match was offered (self-selected or facilitated). If you have concerns about your ability to work with you mentor, contact your program coordinator promptly to determine the best course of action. If your organization does not have a mentorship coordinator, it will be up to you and your mentor to manage the course of the relationship. Getting to Know Each Other Here are some recommended activities for you and your mentor during the initial phase of mentoring. However, do not feel pressured to discuss or cover every single one of 10

15 these points all at once. It may take you a little while to really get to know each other. When building a relationship, quality is more important than quantity. Be ready to share your bio and career history. Your mentor may also share some of his or her history with you, but this process will be focused on your history and professional interests. Share your personal mission statement or vision for the future. If you have been mentored before, share what it was like for you to be a mentee. Share what you hope to learn and what motivated you to want to enter a mentorship tis time. Talk with your mentor about your objectives. Articulate your career goals, visions for the future, long term learning goals, hopes and dreams. Discuss your expectations for the mentoring relationship. What are you hoping to get from your mentor? Discuss learning and personality style. If you have your own style information available from assessments, such as DiSC, MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator), EQ (Emotional Intelligence), etc. Use the information as a springboard to discuss style. If your mentor has this information about himself/herself, he or she may share it as well. If you do not have information from a formal assessment, don t worry. You know yourself and should be able to speak about some of these dimensions, such as are you outgoing or quieter? How do you take in information? How do you make decisions? What is your typical role or approach when you work on a project or when you interact with others? Setting Goals The key to a successful mentorship are well defined, SMART (Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic and Time limited) goals. You and your mentor should establish SMART goals and then create a plan for achieving those goals. You should also include accountability means, such as how you will handle temptation to side step from the plan or to miss meetings. 11

16 Defining criteria that will let you and your mentor know that you achieved your goals will also help evaluate the success of the mentoring or the need for revision. You will find a sample mentoring action plan at the end of this guide to assist you in creating your mentoring work plan. Here are a few things for you to consider as you establish your accountability plan for the mentorship, as these issues can be barriers for progress or derail the mentorship altogether. Establish ground rules. What guidelines will you use to manage expectations? For example, how often will you meet? How will you connect? How will you deal with interruptions? Cancellations? What documentation will be kept? How will you give each other feedback if issues arise? How will you know when it is time to end the mentorship? Commit to confidentiality. Openly discuss what confidentiality means to each of you. Commit to a mutual understanding. Remember, once trust is lost, it is hard to restore. Set boundaries early on. Decide what you can commit to do and what you cannot commit to do. Discuss availability. Establish how much you will discuss personal issues, and if so, keep it relevant to the learning. Will you be able to access your mentor on weekends? Evenings? Discuss your hot buttons from the start. What are those things that irk you and your mentor? Agree on how you will behave around those issues to prevent them from becoming problems. For example, being late, being unprepared, cancelling at the last minute, multi-tasking during meetings, etc. Once you have established your accountability agreement and discussed SMART goals, you are ready to create a mentorship agreement. This document will memorialize the agreement you make and will guide your partnership. You can find a blank mentorship agreement at the end of this guide. You are now ready to move on to an action plan. Here are your steps for achieving your learning goals 12

17 1. Establish goals and success criteria. It will take some time to get to this point to make sure your goals are truly SMART. Then explicitly define what success looks like. For example, if your goal is to put first things first and become better at prioritizing and saying No to unimportant things, then you will want to establish what that will look like in practice. In other words, are you able to work on fewer more important tasks rather than on many less important things that cause you to miss important tasks or deadlines? 2. Identify objectives. Objectives will describe how you will achieve your goals. They are visible, objective and measurable. For example, determine which ones are the most important goals by learning three strategies to prioritize work. 3. Identify what tasks or steps must be taken to accomplish the objectives that were set. For example: attend a workshop on time management or productivity, or shadow my mentor as he or she prioritizes work, etc. 4. Identify all potential resources to achieve the plan. This could be human or material resources. For example, what specific workshop will you be attending? On what project or program can you shadow your mentor? Who else can you talk with about this issue? 5. Establish a target date. By defining a date, you are more likely to make steady progress. It allows for a specific time to evaluate progress and/or make corrections. It also allows an opportunity for you to discuss with your mentor how the mentoring relationship is going. Once you and your mentor have gotten to know each other, created a mentorship agreement and developed your action plan, you are ready to move on to Phase 2 of the mentorship. By spending time making sure you cover all the recommendations above, you and your mentor will have created a map that will allow both of you to have a mutual understanding of the purpose and nature of your relationship and to be clear about what to expect as a result. 13

18 Mentoring (Phase 2) This phase will last for the majority of the time remaining in the mentorship, between 4 to 8 months, depending on your organization s program structure and goals. During this phase, your mentor will assist you in meeting your mentorship goals by offering a variety of suggestions, listening and facilitating other learning opportunities. He or she will suggest a variety of ways to help you develop your desired skills, such as sharing knowledge or even recommending coursework or reading that can be used for discussion during meetings. During this phase, you and your mentor may also re-visit the mentorship goals and even revise them as appropriate. By this stage, the mentor/mentee match should be well established and is unlikely to be disrupted. However, if issues arise between you and your mentor, you should reach out to your mentorship coordinator for assistance, if your organization has someone assigned to this role. If there is a coordinator, he or she will determine if there is any way to salvage the match. If the match is not salvageable, another match may be made available for both the mentor and mentee in the same way the initial match was offered (self-selected or facilitate). If there is not assigned coordinator, it will be up to you and your mentor to manage the course of the match. With an action plan in hand, you and your mentor can move on to the real work. Throughout this phase, you and your mentor will need to manage your relationship, maintain momentum and encourage movement. This will be accomplished through support, appropriate levels of challenge, fostering reflection and assessing learning. Providing Support One of the most important things your mentor will do for you will be to provide support. Because you are the driver of the mentorship, your mentor will be there to listen and encourage you to think from a variety of perspectives. Ultimately, it will be up to you to reflect and to find learning opportunities, both inside and outside of your organization with the help of your mentor. To that end, it is important for you to be willing to think of many ways you can reinforce or add skills, be willing to take stock, reflect on how things are going and behave in ways that build trust. Because trust is so important in a mentoring relationship, here are a few words about building and maintaining trust. 14

19 Stephen M.R. Covey, the best-selling author of The speed of trust has identified the following high trust behaviors. 1) Talk straight; 2) Demonstrate respect; 3) Create transparency; 4) Right wrongs; 5) Show Loyalty; 6) Deliver results; 7) Get better; 8) Confront reality; 9) Clarify expectations; 10) Practice accountability; 11) Listen first; 12) Keep commitments; and 13) Extend trust. If you want to learn more about trust, we recommend reading the book The Speed of Trust or attending a workshop. Challenge In order to keep the mentorship s momentum going, your mentor will challenge you by asking questions about how you view a situation and in what other ways it could be viewed. To make sure you are on track, you will have to be aware of your mentoring relationship s health at various points in the process. Here are a few recommendations. Monitor the relationship process. Check with each other regularly about how things are going. Evaluate your interactions and actively reflect on the quality of your mentoring relationship. Touch base regularly and decide ahead of time how often you will check in about how the partnership is going. Here you can ask questions and also share observations about patterns you have noticed, if any. Evaluate progress. Remember that your action plan contain benchmarks to measure progress. Regular monitoring of progress will allow you to keep forging ahead. Don t be shy to refer back to the plan regularly. It is created to help you and your mentor keep the end in mind. Encouraging Movement and Managing the Mentoring Time With your mentor s support, you should envision the future. Reflect on your learning and assess your progress by frequently visiting your SMART goals and outcomes. This is the time to invite feedback from a variety of sources, including colleagues, supervisors, customers, direct reports and your mentor. Equally important, you and your mentor will need to monitor how you are spending your mentoring time, and you should pro-actively manage your meeting times by planning ahead how you will spend your time and when. Here are a few tips for monitoring and managing your mentoring time. 15

20 Schedule your time wisely. For example, avoid potential pitfalls such as scheduling meetings in between other meetings or multi-tasking. Use your available time constructively. Come to meetings prepared. Start each session with a review of progress or any updates. Make finding time for mentoring a priority. If you find yourself not being able to find time, ask yourself what is truly preventing you from doing so. Are you starting to dread the mentorship and see it as an obligation? Is there something going on between you and your mentor that is getting on the way? If appropriate, call a time out. Sometimes, you may need time to process and for the learning to crystalize. If it makes sense, you can agree to take some time off for that purpose. If you do, make sure you plan for how you will re-engage. Consciously look at how you are using your time. How much time are you spending on things? Think in terms of percentage of time. What percent of your time are you catching up? Exploring new ways of learning? Venting? Then consider what you and your mentor should continue doing, stop doing, or do more of or less of to keep the mentorship working. Consider how you can improve the quality of your mentoring relationship and adjust accordingly. To avoid hitting scheduling or timing bumps and to promote successful mentorship time management, make sure you consider these important issues. 1. Schedule in advance. A good practice is to schedule your next meeting at the end of every meeting. You can use scheduling aids, such as Outlook calendar or other means you use regularly. 2. Monitor the time you are spending on mentoring. Do not over commit, but also do not put the relationship on the backburner. 16

21 3. Quality matters. Be fully present and plan to use your time well. Shorter periods of quality time can be more meaningful than larger chunks that are not focused. 4. Consider your and your mentor s best time of day to meet and plan accordingly. The Process of Feedback Feedback is a powerful means for learning. Asking for it, giving it, receiving it, accepting it and then acting on it are vital steps for enabling growth and development. Feedback can cause discomfort, and some people may be hesitant to give or receive feedback because they do not want to cause distress for the other person or they fear the conversation. As you embark in a mentorship, you should be prepared to receive and give feedback. You should have a conversation about it with your mentor early on. How will you handle it? What works best for you? Direct? Gentle? While feedback is often seen as a linear process, you should think of it as an ongoing cycle. In truth, there is no greater gift than honest, caring, specific feedback. It allows somebody to see himself or herself through others eyes, and it provides the opportunity for real, meaningful growth. The feedback cycle is described below. 1. Ask for feedback. Mentees who actively seek feedback experience a greater sense of adequacy and personal power. When requesting feedback, be specific, stay focused and seek alternatives, not answers and avoid being defensive. 2. Explore what the feedback means. Take your time to listen and consider how you can benefit from the feedback, even if only a small amount. 3. Strong reactions are natural when receiving less than flattering feedback. If you are having trouble accepting feedback, explore with your mentor what the source of your resistance is. For example, do you doubt your abilities? Did you misunderstand the feedback giver s intent? After you process the feedback, be willing to accept it. What can you do differently to move you closer to your goals? 17

22 4. Once you have accepted the feedback, it is time to act on it. You can develop a step by step action plan and enlist your mentor s help to ensure accountability. Overcoming barriers While obstacles to a successful mentorship can occur at any point, the mentoring or growth phase of the cycle is where most issues are likely to arise. This is where you will spend the bulk of your time, and you will be working with your mentor on potentially sensitive matters. Mutual accountability will be important to prevent potential pitfalls from derailing your relationship altogether. You should hold regular accountability conversations about your mentorship agreement and you relationship. If hot buttons are pushed or breaches take place, you should address it immediately to prevent it from becoming more serious. If serious obstacles, such as lack of goals, lack of trust or misleading communication occur, your relationship is likely to fail. Obstacles can come either from the mentee or from the mentor. Each source is explored below in order to enable you to identify them so you can minimize their impact. Challenges Presented by Mentees: Some of the things that can get on the way of your mentorship come from ingrained attitudes, such as a sense of entitlement or other attitudes that can sabotage a relationship, like manipulation. Other barriers are the result of poor habits or lack of direction, such as consistently being unprepared or not following through, being passive in the process or lacking motivation. If your mentorship encounters obstacles, take stock to see if you are contributing to the problem in any way. Then, talk about it with your mentor so you can get back on track. Challenges Presented by Mentors: Mentors can also bring obstacles into the relationship from their own need to be all knowing or from burnout or stress that interfere with their ability to be fully present. Other dynamics, such as issues with boundaries, bias, procrastinating or feelings of jealousy can also pose an obstacle. 18

23 You and your mentor should hold candid conversations from the beginning about expectations and accountability to make sure these potential issues are avoided. What You can Do Because so many factors play a role in the mentoring relationship, it is easy to see why this phase of mentoring can be so challenging. Remember to visit your mentorship agreement and action plan often. Seek and provide feedback, and do not allow small road bumps to become big problems that can detour you. Stay on track and focus on your partnership. If obstacles are insurmountable, your mentorship may derail. If your organization has a mentorship coordinator, contact him or her if you believe some of these more serious issues are involved. If your organization does not have a coordinator, it will be up to you and your mentor to manage the course of the relationship. You will know when it is time to move on the closure phase of the mentorship when your goals have been accomplished or when other signals appear. Closure (Phase 3) This phase marks the end of the mentorship. You can expect it to take place over 1-2 meetings. At the conclusion of the mentorship, you and your mentor will evaluate progress made, lessons learned and will re-define your relationships. You may choose to remain in an informal mentoring relationship. You may evolve your mentorship into a friendship, or you may end the relationship altogether. There is no correct re-definition of the relationship. It will depend on you and your mentor. What is most important is for both of you to have an opportunity to end your mentorship in a positive note and to take time to celebrate your accomplishments. If your organization opts to formally mark the culmination of the mentorship experience, your mentorship coordinator will provide you information about it. Of course, you and your mentor may elect to have your own private celebration of your accomplishments. Celebrating a Successful Conclusion Sometimes, mentor/mentee pairs experience mixed feelings about the end of the mentorship. Some mentees avoid closure in general, and this extends to their mentorships. Sometimes, mentees are worried about truly being on their own, and they put off ending the relationship. On other occasions, mentees believe that it is up to the mentor to end the mentorship, and they keep waiting for that to happen when, in reality, the mentee knows 19

24 best when it is time to move on and should act on it. When avoidance of closure happens, mentorships end up lasting longer than needed, or they end up fizzling on their own without proper closure. Be aware of your own feelings as you and your mentor approach the end of the mentorship. Focus on what has been accomplished, and work with your mentor in advance to plan for closure long before it is time for it. If your organization is offering a structured mentorship program, then the end of the mentorship may be pre-planned based on start and end dates. If your mentorship is not on a structured schedule, then it will be up to you and your mentor to decide how and when you will move toward closure. You should agree on how you will mark the end of the mentorship when you create your mentoring agreement. Talk about both planned and unplanned endings. This will make it easier for both of you to stay on track and move toward closure when the time comes. Closure is important because it marks the transition from dependence to independence, and it allows you and your mentor to explicitly review your learning and development outcomes. You do this by having a focused conversation about what has taken place during the mentorship process and the learning that has happened. The purpose is to end on a positive note, even if there were stumbling blocks along the way. In fact, if there were mistakes made, this presents a good opportunity for a rich learning experience. During closure, you may even discuss those mistakes and focus on the learning you gained from them. During your closure conversations, you should also focus on the application of the learning that has taken place. What are you going to do differently? How will you be able to reach your long term objectives by utilizing the learning that has taken place? Then, think about closure as a celebration. However, for the celebration to be meaningful, it has to be genuine. You deserve acknowledgement for the hard work you put into the experience. Your mentor has made a great contribution to you and to your organization by volunteering to be a mentor, and both of you should be recognized for your work. 20

25 Here are some recommendations for celebrating learning. Collaborate in planning for a celebration. This should be a joint experience. Expand on the knowledge. Relate your experience to the organizational direction and your long term goals. Be creative about ways to celebrate. Think of symbols or activities that will add meaning to the mentoring experience and its conclusion. Use the opportunity to boast to each other about what has been accomplished. Connect your accomplishments to your mission or vision. Reminisce. Talk about where you started and where you are now. Look back and focus on the progress made. Let your mentor know what you appreciate about him or her and why. Be honest and make the appreciation genuine. Allow for reciprocity during this process. Leverage your and the organization s vision. This lifts spirits and helps you engage to keep your own vision in the forefront. Also be creative about specific ways in which you want to celebrate the conclusion of the mentorship. You and your mentor may come up with something special and meaningful for both of you. Here are a few ideas. Gifts. Small gifts are appropriate if they relate to the mentorship journey, goals and areas of developmental interest. If you elect to give a gift, it should be modest in price. Examples include books, calendars, pins, bookmarkers and symbols that celebrate the learning specific to your relationship. Notes. This can be in the form of a greeting card, poster, letter, scrapbook page or other creative means. Written expressions memorialize the experience and allow for simple messages that can be carried into the future. 21

26 In person. Heartfelt expressions are often more meaningful than any material gift. You may choose to express your appreciation with your words. If you are the artistic type, go for it! You can write a poem or a song. The celebration is also an expression of you. Do not be limited by these suggestions, but keep it appropriate. Re-Defining the Relationship Once you have marked the ending of the mentorship, it is time to re-define your relationship. Engage with your mentor in a conversation about what you want to do after the experience ends. Decide if you will stay in contact with each other, and if so, what contact is acceptable to both of you. Do you want to leave the door open for informal mentoring in the future? Do you want to re-engage in formal mentorship later on to work on other goals? Is there something you can now mentor your mentor about, like new technology? Do you want to become friends? When Mentoring Ends Unexpectedly The re-definition of your relationship is up to you and your mentor. However, once you have re-defined your relationship, move on. You may keep circling back to your mentor for an indefinite period of time after the mentorship ends, but keep in mind that you have a new kind of relationship, and let yourself move on to the next thing. Perhaps, you will even be ready then to become a mentor! As much as mentors and mentees usually have a desire to complete the mentorship cycle, sometimes unexpected changes or events cause the mentorship relationship to shift. There could be a change in personal priorities, work assignment locations or even a personal crisis for either mentor or mentee. This can cause premature or unanticipated closure and cause feelings of loss or confusion. Unexpected closure also prevents the mentee and mentor from reflecting on the learning, discussing application and meaning for your goals and celebrating. Whenever possible, mentor/mentee pairs should make every effort to reach closure, even if the ending of the mentorship is unanticipated. You and your mentor should even discuss how you will handle unexpected endings when you develop your mentorship 22

27 agreement. It may feel awkward at the time, but it will allow you to handle unexpected turns of events in an easier way. Telltale Signs that it is Time to End the Mentorship Even the healthiest of mentorship relationships can erode and deteriorate if you and your mentor allow the process to go longer than needed. Here are a few signs that it is time to move on. You should still plan to mark the closure/ending of your mentorship even if you find that some of the items below are true. You can refer to the same suggestions and recommendations under the celebrating a successful conclusion section above. You find yourself bored and thinking about other things when you meet with your mentor. You and your mentor meet but you do not have an agenda or focus for the day. You find yourself resenting the time you are dedicating to the mentorship. You cannot find anything to talk about with your mentor. There has been a breach of confidentiality. You have been meeting for months, but you do not see any progress being made. You feel exhausted and drained after each meeting with your mentor. The relationship feels one sided. You find meeting with your mentor unpleasant and even painful. Conclusion A mentorship program can enrich your life both, personally and professionally. Your willingness to take on this challenge and develop yourself further adds great value to your 23

28 organization. It promotes a culture of learning, higher morale, employee retention and a positive work environment. The County of Orange appreciates your dedication. For technical support or to answer specific questions about the mentorship program, contact your mentorship coordinator, if one is available in your agency/department, or visit the County s Learning and Organizational Development homepage at : County of Orange - Learning and Organizational Development. Paste mentorship Coordinator information in this space Content for this guide was compiled from various sources and known best practices, including, but not limited to The Mentor s Guide, facilitating Effective learning Relationships by Lois Zachary. 24

29 Resources Covey, S. M.R (2008) The Speed of Trust New York, NY: Free Press United States Office of Personnel Management (2008) Best Practices: Mentoring Washington, DC Zachary, L (2012) The Mentor s Guide, facilitating Effective learning Relationships San Francisco, CA: John Wiley & Sons, Inc. Appendices Getting to know your mentor questionnaire Mentorship agreement Sample Action Plan Blank Action Plan Mentorship Accountability Log 25

30 Glossary of Terms Action Plan: A written document that describes the mentee s goals for the mentorship in specific and observable ways and includes tasks and resources that will be used to achieve the established goals. An action plan must be created before moving to the mentoring phase of mentorship. Mentee: A person seeking to develop new skills and manage his or her own learning so that he or she may maximize his or her potential, improve performance and become the person he or she wants to be. Mentor: A trusted advisor who partners with another person to help that person learn new skills and develop into the person he or she wants to become. Mentoring: Supporting and encouraging another to manage his or her own learning so he or she may maximize potential, develop skills, improve performance and become the person he or she wants to be. Mentorship Agreement: A written document that described the process of mentoring between pairs. It describes the mentorship ground rules and expectations. A mentorship agreement must be created during the initial phase of mentoring, prior to the development of the mentorship action plan. Mentorship Coordinator: A person assigned to manage the operations of the mentorship, including but not limited to facilitating matching, providing mentor and mentee orientation, evaluating outcomes, facilitating communication and acting as a liaison between the sponsoring organization s executive team and Human Resource Services, Learning and Organizational Development team. Program Evaluation: A systematic process for analyzing a program s effectiveness. Evaluation is driven by the desired outcomes and established purpose for the program. Evaluation may take place at various levels. Sample program evaluation questions are provided in this guide. Advanced program evaluation methods require technical knowledge in the subject matter and access to advanced metrics. SMART goals: Goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time limited. SMART goals are formulated in observable terms and include steps and behaviors that will result in the desired outcomes. 26