Managing Conflict Successfully

Transcription

1 Managing Conflict Successfully Presented by: Jack G. Lee III, CPA August 20, 2013

2 Poll #1 What answer best characterizes your reason for attending this web seminar? To gain insight my personal conflict management style To explore better ways for dealing with conflicts To learn how to prepare for a difficult conversation To find out how to address difficult performance issues Other 2

3 Partner Performance and Accountability Webinars Our 2013 Partner Accountability Webinar Series has been designed to spark your strategic thinking in the area of partner performance and accountability, and includes the following sessions: In Session 1 on June 25th, we focused on Setting Partner Expectations and Reporting to Drive Performance and Accountability In Session 2 on July 16 th, we learned about Driving Partner Performance and Accountability with Feedback and Straight Talk In today s final session (Session 3), we ll conclude the series with a discussion on Managing Conflict Successfully 3

4 Our Agenda In this session, we will continue to explore how to improve our overall performance and accountability by: Understanding the barriers which keep us from effectively dealing with conflict Exploring the various conflict management styles and a better collaborative way of dealing with disappointments and upsets Identifying methods to uncover the underlying causes of conflicts Learning to talk straight and use specific language for handling conflicts more strategically and with more success 4

5 Let s Review: Keys to Performance and Accountability Define Performa nce Roles and Goals Reward Performa nce Establish Unity Around Firm Strategy Monitor Performa nce Return and Report Evaluate and Discuss Performa nce 5

6 Keys To Performance and Accountability To improve performance and accountability in your firm, there are three key attributes on which to focus: Unity establishing unity around your firm strategy with trust as your foundation Ownership defining roles and goals and taking responsibility for achieving results Accountability monitoring and evaluating your performance, acknowledging you can be better These come together in our Leadership Development Model 6

7 The Leadership Development Model Define Performance Roles and Goals Ownership Reward Performance Establish Unity Around Firm Strategy Monitor Performance Return and Report Trust Evaluate and Discuss Performance Accountability 7

8 Lack of Trust = Lack of Unity The main reason firms struggle with forming and supporting a unified strategy is the lack of trust Lack of trust shows up as: Inability to make decisions, or churn Triangulation and side conversations Internal competition vs. external Unresolved conflict and inability to move forward Lack of passion and energy Unwillingness to submit to or support group decisions Bottom Line: without trust you can t have accountability and without accountability, you can t have trust 8

9 Three Trust Building Behaviors Integrity is more than honesty or doing the right thing and includes: Keeping commitments not over-committing and under-delivering Resetting expectations when commitments cannot be kept Accountability is following through on commitments and includes: Taking responsibility when their things are not going as planned Holding others accountable Straight Talk uses candor and honesty in all communications and tells it like it is, and includes: No beating around the bush No avoiding difficult subjects Straight Talk Integrity Trust Account -ability 9

10 Developing A Get Better Culture 10

11 Do not bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself. William Faulkner American Writer 11

12 The Get Better Culture Leaders and managers are imperfect and can always get better every day until they retire Leaders and managers need feedback to get better no one is above feedback and input All firm processes, programs, services and other mechanical elements can always improve there are no sacred cows Every person should be striving to get better and to improve the firm so it can get better, too 12

13 Barriers That Keep Us From Effectively Dealing With Conflict 13

14 Most of us don t feel comfortable engaging in conflict because we are afraid of being wrong, causing an argument, damaging relationships, or hurting people s feelings 14

15 How do you feel when you have a conflict with someone at work? What do you usually do about it? 15

16 Typical View of Conflict When there is a conflict, we mostly focus on the negative aspects The problem The consequences or impact of the conflict Our feelings about it 16

17 Then We Tell Others! We don t go directly to the person with whom we have a concern and instead, we tell others We call this triangulation This eventually gets around to the other party, eroding respect and trust And, it can erode trust and respect of those with whom you confide or vent, too Instead of professionally resolving the matter, you make it worse or at best, allow it to persist 17

18 But Conflict Can Be Good! Because it: Highlights problems Promotes change Encourages compromise and shared solutions Enhances morale and group identity when dealt with openly Stimulates interest, creativity, and innovation 18

19 How Do You Handle Conflict? There are four typical conflict management styles Usually, one party approaches the conflict using their dominant style and the other party adapts to it You need to understand your dominant style at work, realizing that You may use a different style at work than you do at home You may use more than one of these but try to identify your dominant style 19

20 The Avoider Photo courtesy of 20

21 The Accommodator Photo courtesy of 21

22 The Confronter Photo courtesy of 22

23 Compromiser Photo courtesy of 23

24 Poll #2 What s your dominant style? Avoider Accommodator Competitor Compromiser 24

25 There Is Another Way! The Collaborator Photo courtesy of 25

26 There Is Another Way! Collaborating ( The Win-Win-er ) Working together Developing solutions Situational change something! Appeal to major common goals ( the greater good ) Allowing each party to address their self-interest and achieve their desired outcome (or close to it) 26

27 Don t Be Afraid To Talk Straight! Straight talk is not brutal honesty when done right, there s nothing hurtful about it It s not about redressing wrongs or giving someone the what for where you are right and they are wrong It s about caring enough about someone and your relationship with them to overcome your fear and express your insights so you can both improve It s more about being vulnerable than forceful 27

28 Don t Be Afraid To Talk Straight! When you do, then your conflict partner can more openly share their thoughts, too So you can understand their perspective Then, you can both come to agreement on how to move forward constructively 28

29 Poll #3 What are some conflict examples that you encounter in workplace? (check all that apply) A client doesn t provide their information on time A client is upset about their invoice A partner or manager doesn t follow a firm policy A colleague shuts down others by interrupting or shouting A staff person consistently misses agreed deadlines 29

30 Preparing For Difficult Performance Conversations (Before The Meeting) 30

31 Preparing For Difficult Conversations Start by defining the conflict Examine the situation and consider possible solutions This is essentially a venting place for you to clear your wrong-making thoughts Commit to having the discussion Set the time and place for the discussion Avoid distractions and public places Give yourself enough time 31

32 Preparing For Difficult Conversations Prepare an outline of your view of the situation Consider the root cause and examine your interpretations Ask how you could be as much as 100% responsible for the problem Consider the ramifications Examine possible solutions 32

33 Your Mindset The number one thing that will make a difference in managing difficult conversations is your mindset Your likelihood of success in the conversation is low if you re coming from anger, irritation or that other person is wrong or inept, or other negative interpretations Your likelihood of the conversation going well is high if you center yourself around giving your conflict partner a gift that will enhance their whole life -- doing what s in their best interest Come from a place of care and concern for your partner Have your intention be to inspire them to succeed 33

34 To Adopt the Necessary Mindset you have to take 100% responsibility for your role and give up making the other party wrong! and instead look for ways to collaborate with your conflict partner 34

35 Discussing Difficult Issues NOT: I m right, you re wrong INSTEAD: Let s partner together 35

36 To Achieve Your Desired Outcome Self-honesty is required You have to acknowledge your self interest and be willing to share it Vulnerability and humanity are required There are few real Mother Theresas Your goal is to create an environment where your conflict partner can do the same You cannot collaborate until all agendas are on the table 36

37 Give Up Being Right You have a perspective and it s your truth but it isn t necessarily THE TRUTH Your truth is often clouded by your selfish interest or frustration that you are somehow dealing with an imposition Carrying more weight than you should Not getting all the credit you think you should get Not having things go the way you expected The other party has their own selfish interest and their own view of things which is sometimes oblivious to your concerns You need to speak with them to share your views, hear their views and have the full picture 37

38 Distinguishing Self-Interest We all have self-interest which usually falls into one of the following categories: Looking good or avoiding looking bad Getting more time or taking less of our time Getting more money or taking less of our money Experiencing pleasure or some form of feeling good In effectively dealing with conflict, you have to openly share your self-interest and understand your conflict partner s possible self-interest 38

39 Conflict Example #1 Self Interest Your co-worker didn t complete their portion of a project by Thursday and now it s Friday afternoon and you feel immense pressure to get the work done Your self interest could include: Not wanting to spend additional time (perhaps in the evening or over the weekend) to complete your portion of the project Wanting to look good to the client by delivering the project on time early next week Your colleague s self interest could include: Wanting more time for other projects, personal interests, etc. Not wanting to look bad because of questions they have or something they don t understand Making more money because they are paid a bonus on new business development (and not on client billings) so they focused on that first Doing the bigger boss work first so they will look good in their eyes 39

40 Conflict Example #2 Self Interest Your client has not paid their invoice which is now over 90 days outstanding and your managing partner is pressuring you to get it collected before the end of the month Your self interest could include: Not wanting to spend additional time tracking down the client to pay his bill on time Not wanting to look bad in front of the managing partner Not wanting to have your bonus negatively impacted by poor billing and collection performance Your client s self interest could include: Not wanting to have a difficult conversation about the performance of one of your team members on the engagement Not wanting to look bad in front of their boss for causing fees to increase due to missing project deadlines Not wanting to have their bonus negatively impacted 40

41 Interpretations There are many ways to interpret your conflict And it s worth developing a number of potential ways to view the conflict before identifying your approach to it We suggest you play an interpretations game Let s explore some possible ways to interpret the situation Consider both ugly (negative) and hopeful (positive) interpretations Which is the truth? 41

42 Conflict Example #1 Interpretations You could be making your co-worker wrong for not completing their portion of the project on time by thinking that he/she: Is lazy Doesn t care about their work or the client Is trying to sabotage you and make you look bad Hopeful, or positive interpretations that will be more constructive are that it s possible that your co-worker: Didn t know the timeline Wasn t trained on the methodology so it took them longer Received multiple assignments and didn t know the priority of this one over the others Was afraid to communicate their roadblocks to you Which is the truth? 42

43 Conflict Example #2 Interpretations You could be making your client wrong for not paying the invoice by thinking that he/she: Is incompetent in doing their job Doesn t care about you or your firm Is trying to make his financial performance look better at your expense Hopeful, or positive interpretations that will be more constructive are that it s possible that your client: Has some concerns about the service he wants to clear up before paying the invoice Needs help understanding the amount of the invoice and explaining the value of the additional services to his boss Has recently been dealing with a number of personal issues and unable to address payment of outstanding invoices Was afraid to communicate their short term cash flow concerns Which is the truth? 43

44 Interpretations Can Be Tricky! There are many potential reasons or causes for each communication or performance breakdown Without having critical and honest information, your approach could come from made up stuff Use the interpretations game to vent your negative feelings about disappointments or unmet expectations and see that there are other possible interpretations that are worth exploring 44

45 I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened. Mark Twain 45

46 Conducting Difficult Performance Conversations (During The Meeting) 46

47 EOIS Method When expectations aren t met, recognize you have to undertake a research conversation to find out why Set up the conversation in a non-punishing, collaborative way Be clear and specific Follow an expectation, observation, inquiry, stop approach I had expected your portion of the Jones project on Thursday, but it s Friday afternoon and I do not have it yet. Why do you think this has occurred? 47

48 Verbally Discussing the Area For Improvement Share what your expectation was Identify how the behavior or outcome differed Ask for the other party s perspective on the situation Be in an inquiry mode remember, you don t already know Some possible questions you could ask after you have shared your expectations and observations What is your view of what happened (or not happened)? What do you think caused this performance? Why do you think this occurred? How do you feel you about your performance in this area? 48

49 Stop and Listen! Listen for cues and clues from the other party as to what happened on their end Consider using reflective listening techniques, like: Repeat what they say, usually by paraphrasing, As I understand it Acknowledge any feelings they express, So you feel that You can also use simple phrases to acknowledge that you re listening, but that don t necessarily express agreement I see, I understand, I can appreciate that 49

50 Listen For Clues You re looking to see: Is the conflict caused by miscommunication or improperly set expectations? Or from a lack of competency (skill, ability, experience, talent)? Or, is there some sort of intention or motive that I m uncomfortable with? 50

51 Three Common Causes Communication failures are usually two-way and require both parties to establish a new expectation and understanding of how they ll behave, perform or interact going forward Competency issues can often be resolved with additional training, mentoring or experience But sometimes, people lack the gifts to do the work they re assigned, in which case we can consider changing their role or removing them from the work 51

52 Three Common Causes Motivation questions are far trickier to resolve and require an even greater depth of straight talk They require that we acknowledge that we have selfish interest in our relationships At work, we all want more (and at least not less!) money, time, esteem and peace of mind When we wonder why someone is doing something, we may have to acknowledge our self interest and ask them what theirs is I am concerned that this project is delayed because I must now work on the weekend to get it delivered to the client on time. What caused this delay and how can we avoid it in the future? 52

53 Motive Concerns Sometimes we can t get comfortable with the motives or intentions of the other party This is the most difficult type of conflict to resolve as trust needs to be rebuilt If you want to rebuild trust, you ll have to extend trust by sharing your feelings We ve now had three conversations about this and I still don t understand what s motivating you and really want to understand it. I feel like you re operating more out of your own self interest than in the interest of our team (our firm, our relationship). What can we do to ensure that we re both working for the same common goal and not just for ourselves? 53

54 Optionally Share Impacts/Commitment Share your view of the impacts of the situation as it sits today and state your commitment Provide concrete examples of the impacts and how those impacts make you feel Share your commitment to the greater good and/or other person and what you see is possible Ask for their commitment (or re-commitment) Remember, if you re coming in support of your colleague s success and that you re on his/her team, you ll succeed 54

55 Collaborate A Solution Ask for help in developing a solution to the issue and restate your commitment Stop and listen again! Agree on what you re both going to do to resolve the matter Reiterate your commitment Realize that you may have to have multiple conversations, especially if it s a long-standing issue, and that can be okay 55

56 Listen Some More! Straight talk is a two-way street When you delve into what s behind the issues, be prepared to look in the mirror! You both should be asking (and discussing): Is there a different way to see or perceive things with the information from this conversation? What could I do differently going forward? Is there an apology to make or accept? What communication mechanisms can we put in place to ensure that we don t have this misunderstanding or disappointment again? 56

57 When You Run Into Roadblocks When the other party isn t engaged in the conversation or responds with I don t know, or silence, consider: Restating your commitment and any impacts Sharing that their perspective is the only way to generate a collaborative solution When the other party responds is anger or tears, indicating that the conflict may be the tip of the iceberg of underlying personal problems, consider: Offering time to contemplate their view of the situation and generate possible solutions and then regroup 57

58 Common Mistakes Bringing emotion into the conversation Wait until you can handle the matter strategically Using blame words You should have, never, always How could you, what were you thinking, etc. I would assume you d know this at your level (or based on prior engagements you ve worked on, etc.) Taking a strong stand We or you never, we or you always I totally disagree, hate when that happens, etc. Taking a weak stand It would be good if you considered this 58

59 Common Mistakes Being insensitive to time and place Watch the temptation to joke or jab in a group setting about something you all know needs to change Avoid delivering feedback in a group setting unless the purpose of the meeting is to do so If the feedback has the potential to embarrass someone, deliver it in private Being insensitive to the politics Don t let firm politics stop you from speaking out but do allow them to have you consider the forum and approach 59

60 Keep, Stop, Start Another wonderful straight talk method is called keep, stop and start It applies more to feedback that is invited or expected as in the case of mentoring meetings, performance appraisals or other structured feedback sessions Prior to the meeting, consider: What do I most want my colleague to keep doing? (things they re doing well or that are of great value) What do I think my they should stop doing that they are doing now? (things that aren t working or things they need to give up, delegate or relinquish) What do I think they should start doing that they are not yet doing? (things that will benefit them, their team or the firm if they take them on going forward) 60

61 Conducting Difficult Performance Conversations (After The Meeting) 61

62 Document Agreed Upon Actions Agree on the actions and follow-up you re both going to commit to going forward Be specific about the decisions you agreed to and document them in writing with any actions, who owns them and by-when they ll be complete Hold a check-in meeting 2-4 weeks after the initial feedback meeting to see how things are progressing Encourage ongoing feedback or check in meetings thereafter 62

63 Ongoing Communication Use these strategies to create an environment for open and ongoing communication and feedback Teach all of your team members this approach and encourage performance conversations it works downstream, upstream, and sidestream, too 63

64 Without the willingness to be vulnerable, we will not build deep and lasting relationships in life. That s because there is no better way to earn a person s trust than by putting ourselves in a position of unprotected weakness and demonstrating that we believe they will support us. Patrick Lencioni From Getting Naked 64

65 Poll #4 After of this session, I will practice the expectation, observation, inquiry, stop approach in a conversation with: Someone to whom I am subordinate or a peer at work A subordinate I manage A client or a vendor Someone in my personal life Other 65

66 Thank You! Contact us at any time! Jack G. Lee III, CPA (414)

67 Resources 67

68 ConvergenceCoaching Resources ConvergenceCoaching s web site includes information at: Read our Coaching Concepts newsletter: Visit our blog for posts on these topics: /blog Visit our learning center for access to additional courses and our Straight Talk Your Way to Success e-book: Visit us on Facebook: 68

69 Experienced Partner Leadership Program The EPLP will run from September 1, 2013 to August 31, 2014, where participants will engage in: Two, two-day in-person workshops including valuable peer sharing and information exchange Tailored one-on-one coaching sessions Virtual roundtables to discuss relevant, strategic topics facing the profession and your firm A program project that will benefit you and your firm Access to resources, tools, online self-study learning, and web seminars And more - leading to inspiring, vision-based leadership behaviors! For more information and to register visit 69

70 Conflict Management Resources Are You Guilty of Triangulation on the Job? by Jennifer Wilson etters/articles_2011/cpa/jul/triangulatingonjob.jsp Another Possible View by Tamera Loerzel Conducting Performance Feedback by Jennifer Wilson etters/articles_2011/corpfin/conducting_performance_feedback.jsp Conflict Management at Conflict Resolution Network at 70

71 Conflict Management Resources Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler, and Covey Management by Kathryn M. Bartol and David C. Martin (Irwin McGraw-Hill, 1998) Primal Leadership by Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, & Annie McKee (Harvard Business School Press, 2002) Straight Talk Your Way To Success E-Book Ten Tips for Managing Conflict, Tension and Anger by Claire Albright 71

72 Conflict Management Resources The Gift of Truth, by Tamera Loerzel The Heart of a Leader by Ken Blanchard (1999) 72

73 ConvergenceCoaching Strategic Partner Avalara Avalara provides cloud-based, automated, end-to-end compliance services for accounting and tax professionals and businesses of all sizes, including sales and use tax calculation, exemption certificate management, filing and remittance, and other related services Contact: Ray Bigley, VP Business Development