Most common problem: lack of a clear thesis statement. Excellent thesis statement should mention overall topic of essay: pollution

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1 Intro: Most common problem: lack of a clear thesis statement. Excellent thesis statement should mention overall topic of essay: pollution Type/s of pollution discussed Topics of supporting paragraphs. Lack of a good thesis statement pulls down your score in overall development (awareness of audience and purpose) and organization (thought patterns are difficult to follow).

2 Exemplar: Imagine having to move away from your home with only your memories or belongings because of the toxins in the air surrounding your home. Some families must live by and breathe this toxic air pollution everyday. Air pollution causes horrible problems with disastrous results, but together we could minimize or even eradicate the pollution harming us and our environment everyday. This thesis statement tells the reader how the paper will be organized: * causes of air pollution * effects of air pollution * solutions to air pollution

3 Body paragraphs: Overall, these were quite good. Some students need to work on topic sentence. Be sure the first sentence of your paragraph tells the topic of that paragraph. Lack of a clear topic sentence lowers your score in organization: Thought patterns are difficult to follow. Most students had effective transitions from one paragraph to the next.

4 Example: (This essay was about the causes, effects, and solutions of water pollution. Each body paragraph focused on one particular area of water pollution.) (Topic)One of the many causes of harmful pollution in water is oil spills. (Effects)One reason oil spills are harmful is that it hurts the ocean which hurts us because we rely on the ocean so much. It also affects the people in our community because it raises gas prices. Oil spills cause major destruction to reefs and corals by killing them. It causes the most harm to sea critters though because they choke on the oil and die. Oil spills are also very hard to clean up in the water and on the beach because it goes in all directions. In addition, they give off toxic fumes that make all living things sick. (Solutions) One solution is called biomediation which is a kind of bacteria that breaks down oil and eats it. Another solution is called vacuuming where people suck up the oil and water along with it into a tank. One solution that most people hate is manual labor where people come down to the beach with shovels and shovel the oil into wheel barrows. Many people used this solution for the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. They also used special nets to catch the oil and pull it into their boats and out to sea. But, oil spills are not the only form of water pollution.

5 Most common problem: Sentence Structure "Over-reliance on simple or repetitive construction" There is... There are There are millions of factories all over the world that provide many air toxins. Correct by moving the subject to the beginning of the sentence. "There" is not a noun; therefore, it can never be the subject. 1. Millions of factories all over the world provide air toxins. 2. There are many steps that we and the government must take to stop littering and dumping of trash in our great state. 2. We and our government must take steps to stop littering and dumping of trash in our great state.

6 Other than the "There is/are" problem, most students did well in sentence structure with many complex structures. Look at all the subordinate clauses in the example paragraph in the next frame.

7 One of the many causes of harmful pollution in water is oil spills. One reason oil spills are harmful is that it hurts the ocean which hurts us because we rely on the ocean so much. It also affects the people in our community because it raises gas prices. Oil spills cause major destruction to reefs and corals by killing them. It causes the most harm to sea critters though because they choke on the oil and die. Oil spills are also very hard to clean up in the water and on the beach because it goes in all directions. In addition, they give off toxic fumes that make all living things sick. One solution is called biomediation which is a kind of bacteria that breaks down oil and eats it. Another solution is called vacuuming where people suck up the oil and water along with it into a tank. One solution that most people hate is manual labor where people come down to the beach with shovels and shovel the oil into wheel barrows. Many people used this solution for the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. They also used special nets to catch the oil and pull it into their boats and out to sea. But, oil spills are not the only form of water pollution.

8 Word choice: "Simplistic vocabulary with acceptable but limited word choice." big, bad, stuff, a lot, horrible, fix, thing I do not want to see any of these words in your next essay or your actual WRAP essay. Have a "Word Bank" in your head for each of these words.

9 Mechanics: Most common problems were spelling and punctuation errors. You should never misspell a word that is actually IN YOUR PROMPT. Few of you consistently used a comma after an introductory adverb phrase or clause. That should be a no-brainer by now.

10 Time management: Do not skip or skimp on the planning of your essay. On the first day, you should have time to complete your plan and write your intro and first body paragraph. If you don't have a good hook on the first day, leave space for it. Go home and think of a killer hook and write it in the second day. This file is on my web page. "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail." John Wooden, Legendary College Basketball Coach