Emotional Intelligence & The Missing Piece

Transcription

1 Emotional Intelligence & The Missing Piece Hard Truths about Soft Skills - The Human and Distinguishing Professional Dimension

2 Just One Thing Please shift your attention. Give yourself the chance to BE Mindful Minute ~ the gift of presence

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4 Kids, Soccer and The Ball

5 Moods, Accountability, Choice & You Two arenas: Moods Accountability Did you know: The average person experiences 400 moods/emotion triggers per day o What do we do with them? o How aware are we as they show up? o Do we manage them or do they manage us? o What more can we do...? Most organizations spend one third of their time in the lower level mood states Our decisions are generally poor in our lower level mood states because our thinking tends to be flawed 5

6 Internal ~ Moods Up The Mood Elevator By Larry Senn 6

7 External ~ Accountability What more can I do to get the results? 7

8 Active Questions: Focus on what YOU can do to make a positive difference for yourself a shift in thinking

9 Activity Think of an individual in your life who has had a tremendous positive impact on you professionally a mentor, leader, coworker, friend or other person oon the post-it notes, write down the attributes that: Make this individual so special Describe the qualities you admire in this person oone attribute or quality per post-it 3 minimum 5 maximum 9

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11 What is Intelligence? 11

12 What is IQ? 12

13 What is EQ? 13

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15 Too much college, too little kindergarten... IQ: 137 EQ: 0 15

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17 What is Emotional Intelligence 17

18 What is EI? A Working Definition o Awareness of our own emotions and the emotions of others, and o Monitoring that awareness and using it to manage ourselves and our relationships with others 18

19 Emotional Intelligence is an essential component of the whole person Personality IQ EQ 19

20 EI is not a new concept Anyone can become angry that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way that is not easy. Aristotle 20

21 121 Fortune 500 Companies Competency Models 33% of items relate to technical skills 67% of items relate to EQ skills *Source: Working With Emotional Intelligence By Daniel Goleman Technical EQ 21

22 EQ IQ The Smarts that Count A group of people with similar IQs, some outperform others. The competitive edge is Emotional Intelligence. Success = 80% EQ, 20% IQ (Daniel Goleman) EI can be learned. It takes awareness, time, patience & commitment. Benefits for the individual, team and organization are not only worthwhile but invigorating. IQ EQ 22

23 The Business Case for EI o o o o Increased profitability Better retention of top performers More successful recruitment Greater productivity 23

24 On a more personal note o o o People with positive emotions live longer People who can manage their emotions are healthier People with high EI are more satisfied with their jobs, and job satisfaction is a better predictor of longevity than smoking or exercise! 24

25 ... and o o o The reasons for losing customers and clients are 70% EI-related *50 percent of time wasted in business is due to lack of trust, a key EI competency (lower level mood states) Turnover all the way to the top has been accelerating in recent years, and the top career derailers are EI-related * Stephen M.R. Covey wrote, The Speed of Trust 25

26 Derailed Careers o Poor interpersonal relationships the single most common factor being too harshly critical, insensitive or demanding, alienating co-workers and direct-reports. o Rigidity inability to accept feedback about traits they need to change or improve. Inability to listen, learn and change. o Inability to work with a team being disrespectful, uncooperative, not sharing information, plans or credit. (Center for Creative Leadership) 26

27 Stickies IQ Technical Skills EQ 27

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29 EQ vs. Cognitive Ability for Children* Mental Well-Being ~ Matters more for mental well-being (higher life satisfaction, mental health and well-being) Health ~ Matter similarly for health (lower likelihood of obesity, smoking and drinking, and better self-rated health) Socio-Economic ~ Matter similarly for some socio-economic and labor market outcomes (i.e. higher income and wealth, being employed, and not being in social housing) *EQ compared with cognitive ability assessed at age10

30 An 11% point gain in academic achievement Improved classroom behavior *Youth With EQ Training Demonstrate Increased ability to manage stress and depression Better attitudes about themselves, others, and school 213 studies involving more than 270,000 students who participated in evidence-based EQ program, compared to students who did not

31 For Those Working With Children 1. Look beyond just nurturing academic achievement 2. Receive training and skills to support the development of well-rounded children 3. Foster a culture of social emotional development and to make this a priority 4. The development of EQ needs to be builtinto initial training and the continuing professional development (CPD) of public facing employees from within the public and private sectors. EQ is protective against stress and strong negative emotion in addition to supporting effective functioning in social and professional situations

32 Defining How do we define Emotion?

33 Emotion is an impulse to act 33

34 Our Four Brains o o o o Brain stem autonomic Amygdala emotion Cortex logic Pre-frontal cortex integrates logic and emotion into judgment 34

35 Building Blocks of Behavior Behavior Thoughts Emotions Behavior is ALWAYS a CHOICE 35

36 EI = Logic + Emotion o Pure logic has no heart o Pure emotion has no reasoning 36

37 Emotion + Logic = EI oneed both emotion AND logic oei can be learned oit starts with awareness oei can be enhanced at any age Personality IQ EQ 37

38 EI = A Collection of Skills o o o o Being aware of what s going on within us, in the moment Being aware of what might be going on within others, and responding with care and consideration Managing ourselves, in the moment Managing our relationships with others Mindfulness 38

39 So what does all this mean? Awareness Self Self Awareness Other / Social Awareness Other Self Management Management Relationship Management 39

40 EI Competencies Self Awareness Emotional awareness Accurate self-assessment Personal power Social Awareness Empathy Service orientation Organizational awareness Self Management Emotional/behavioral self control Integrity Innovation & Creativity Initiative & Bias for Action Resilience Achievement drive Stress management Realistic optimism Intentionality Relationship Management Developing others Powerful influence Communication Conflict management Visionary leadership Catalyzing change Building bonds Teamwork & collaboration Building trust 40

41 What is EI? A Working Definition o Awareness of our own emotions and the emotions of others, and o Monitoring that awareness and using it to manage ourselves and our relationships with others Awareness Management Behavior is ALWAYS a CHOICE 41

42 Four Steps to EI 1. Notice/identify/label the emotion 2. Understand the source of the emotion 3. Ask: How is this serving me? How is this serving my relationship with others? (Emotion prioritizes thought) 4. Manage my response Relationship Management Social Awareness Self-Management Self -Awareness 42

43 5 Steps to Cultivate Emotional Intelligence in Children 1.Acknowledge the shift : Don t judge, just identify a shift in feeling. Convey that you recognize a change. This can also help them recognize this feeling again when it re-surfaces in the future. 2.Identify the Emotion: Give words to help anchor the feeling to an identifiable label. Begin with basic emotion like happy, sad, angry, then move to more complex emotions like disappointed, frustrated, betrayed 3.Be Mindfully Present: This is crucial to fostering a capacity for emotional intelligence. It means paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment without judgment. This will make the greatest difference. 4.Role Play: Role playing and problem solving encourages empathy and it is often the quickest way to diffuse a volatile situation. Be aware not to judge. Creative problem solving gives children way to measure their emotional responses to challenging situations. Invite brainstorming solutions to cultivate resilience and flexibility. Conclude by asking what they noticed from the exercise. 5.Foster Empathy- One way to foster empathy is through animals. Children have a natural affinity with animals. This is a great way for children to raise awareness. Have them observe and understand non-verbal communication clues.

44 Kids, Soccer and The Ball Moods: How we think and feel set the foundation of our behavior Behavior is determined by our EQ Accountability is a behavior that indicates degree of EQ Do we reward/punish behavior or Do we cultivate Social and Emotional Intelligence?

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46 How s your EQ? Low Emotional Intelligence Aggressive Demanding Confrontational Glib Poor Listener Impulsive Resistant to Change Un-Responsive Stubborn Critical Fussy Perfectionist High Emotional Intelligence Assertive Driving Decisive Warm Sociable Persuasive Patient Stable Good Listener Detailed Systematic Organized

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48 Books & Authors Emotional Intelligence: by Daniel Goleman Emotional Intelligence 2.0: by Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves Building Emotional Intelligence: by Linda Lantieri, Daniel Goleman Managing Difficult Emotions: by Bob Bellhouse, Andrew Fuller, Glenda Johnston Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: by Maurice J. Elias, Maurice J. Elias Ph.D., Steven E. Tobias, Steven E. Tobias, Psy.D., Brian S. Friedlander, Ph.D. Social Intelligence: Daniel Goleman Raising Happiness: by Christine Carter 50 Activities for Teaching Emotional Intelligence: by Dianne Schilling Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child: by John Gottman and Joan Declaire How to Raise a Child with High EQ: Parents Guide to Emotional Intelligence: by Dr. Lawrence E. Shapiro, PhD Up the Mood Elevator: by Larry Senn

49 Resources and References Yale: Psychology Today Forbes CASEL Daniel Goleman Center for Creative Leadership Activ8 Change, The SELA Project Early Intervention Foundation HBR University San Francisco